How to Have an Online Relationship/Successful online dating


25 June 2013

Hello Mary,

I have only been a member of an online dating agency site, about 8 days, and it appears difficult to attract women on this site. I am 53, dress smart and I do look younger. I am a honest, caring reliable man with my own house, 3 degrees and a career in teaching.I enjoy dancing, music, going for walks, meals out and travelling by train or car to see different places in England.

I have sent email messages where I have paid complements to women's profiles. Offerred to meet up as a friend and possibly go for a meal. Responded to some interesting comments in their profiles. Mentioned a few things about what I do and enjoy doing in my spare time. It's very difficult attracting a woman like this using a computer combined with email messages. In fact it makes me feel I am in contact with no-one on this dating site. I know this is a relatively short time on the dating site, but if my appriaches are not successful, what is the point of continuing? Nothing seems to work.

Is this common and only a few men on these sites are successful  with dating, or is it just me who can't attract a woman, I like?
It's not good for my confidence!! Part of me thinks now that people don't love like they used to, maybe 3o years previously?

I feel like cancelling my membership already. Please can you offer some advice?

Kind regards,

Hi there Brent,

Thank you for your email.

I have to admit from reading your email, that if I were in England I would very much like to go out with you for a meal :)

Having said that I am unsure as to why women are not responding to your approach other than that you are starting off too strong.

Perhaps a neutral message to say hi and would you like to chat would be a good start.

Oh is it a dating site where you have paid for subscription?

If there is one thing I dislike on dating sites it is when I feel threatened by a man as he is in fact coming on too strong.

Another thing that springs to mind is perhaps you are approaching the wrong women and it is them where the actual problem lies.

Brent, I have been on internet dating sites for many years, it is hard for me not to let my experiences cloud the response that I send to you as online sites are a breeding ground for players, spammers and the uncouth.  The decent people that find themselves on these sites need to be extra cautious so that they do not fall into the trap of being swallowed up whole and spat out but the unscrupulous people that prey on the innocent.

I am unsure whether this answers your questions or not ... however you are more than welcome to contact me again should you wish to.  I will provide an email address and perhaps we can converse, should you like?


How to Have an Online Relationship

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


Mary van Ede


Anything to do with online dating, the internet world and social media.


I have been involved myself in online dating for about 15 years. I have loved and lost someone who I met online. I have been involved in Social Media sites for about 5 years, 6 months of which are now in a professional capacity as it forms part of my job description.

Matric. Business Administration.

©2017 All rights reserved.