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How to Have an Online Relationship/Online Dating: Succeeding on the first date


Dear April,

I have not been successful at achieving a second date using online dating. I have a very good profile and an excellent picture online. I am a lecturer wth 4 degrees and I teach in a college. Previously I worked in pharmeceutical research. I keep fit and dress smart both online and for the dates. I have a good sense of humour, genuine, honest and considerate.

The first woman online, I met for a first date both communicated well with me and we were interested in each other. The first date involved me meeting a woman in a park. We spent two hours together and she had her dog with her. We apparently got on well during the date. She asked me several questions about my job and holidays.There was no real affection from her during the date. I did mention certain things I liked about her. I could not help thinking that she was was assessing my financial position. She did agree to go on a second date with me for a meal. However she thought about it for about one week and in a text to me said there had been no spark for her. This woman had separated from her husband. She told me that there was no intention of getting back with her husband.

There was good communication and some affection in the emails, with a second woman online, who had also separated from her partner. She asked me if it was OK to meet. I suggested we should have a day in a beautiful city called York. During the date we visited York Minster and sat down inside to talk for a reasonable period. During the time in York Minster she was interested in what I did for a living, in more detail.

Later we had an Italian meal and I thought the date was going well. I asked her if she would like to meet again? She was unsure and suggested she would need to think about it later. This made me think that she would not see me again. We still spent a further 3 hours with each other walking roumd York, visting a castle and having a coffee together. We later caught the train together and I sat with her for the first stage of the journey. I got off the train at Leeds and was walking with her to catch her second train. At the point when we got closer to her train, she wanted to walk alone and mentioned to check online.

The next day, I checked my messages online at the dating site. The woman I had spent 5 hours in York, wrote a paragraph about what she recognised as my positive qualities, from, being intelligent, funny and i did nothing wrong on the date. However, she mentioned that the feelings she built up for me before this first date did not match when she was with me. Again I can't help thinking that she was now looking for someone more wealthy than me to help her during the separation?

This has affected my confidence and I felt this might continue with other women online, where I could not progress beyong the first date? I decided to leave the online dating, after the last date. Getting to know someone online, looking forwatd to meeting the woman, dressing smart, planning the journey and then spending time with the woman I really enjoyed. However, on reflection it is a lot of effort, only to experience it all evaporate after that one date, with no further contact.

I am feeling lost and think I will never meet anyone?

Please can you understand what is going wrong?


Hi Brent,

Without knowing the full email exchange and both your and your potential date's profiles and ages, at a high level I would say two things.

First, the first dates, with a complete stranger who you are only online acquainted with, are lasting much too long.

Second, your first date venues are not conducive to fostering adult romance.  Meeting in a park with what high school students who cannot yet afford a relationship and dating do.  

Feel free to subscribe to my relationship ezine so you get the gift ecourse. It is super helpful for launching out romantically.  You sound like you're a great guy with a lot to offer a lady.  I'm sure you'll meet someone special soon!  

How to Have an Online Relationship

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April Braswell


As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd edition. As a professional seminar speaker to singles about using online dating and other social media sites, I help singles to stay safe while pursuing the online soul mate in cyber dating space while in Web 2.0 world.


One of the top 2 internet dating experts.

As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd edition. CBS Radio Las Vegas GateHouse Media In Touch Weekly Boston Globe Kansas City Star Women's World

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