How to Have an Online Relationship/Online dating-Succeeding on the first date
Dear Relationship Counsellor,
I have not been successful at achieving a second date using online dating. I have a very good profile and an excellent picture online. I am a lecturer wth 4 degrees and I teach in a college. Previously I worked in pharmeceutical research. I keep fit and dress smart bot online and for the dates. I have a good sense of humour, genuine, honest and considerate.
The first women online, I met for a first date both communicated well with me and we were interested in each other. The first date involved me meeting a woman in a park. We spent two hours together and she had her dog with her. We apparently got on well during th date. She asked me several questions about my job and holidays.There was no real affection from her during the date. I didmention certain things I liked about her. I could not help thinking that she was was assessing my financial position. Sge did agree to go on a second date with me for a meal. However she thoight about it for about one week and in a text to me said there had been no spark for her. This woman had separated from her husband. She told me that there was no intention of getting back with her husband.
There was good communication and some affection in the emails, with a second woman online, who had also separated from her partner. She asked me if it was OK to meet. I suggested we should have a day in a beautiful city called York. During the date we visited York Minster and sat down inside to talk for a reasonable period. During the time in York Minster she was interested in what I did for a living, in more detail.
Later we had an Italian meal and I thought the date was going well. I asked her if she would like to meet again? She was unsure and suggested she would need to think about it later. This made me think that she would not see me again. We still spent a further 3 hours with each other walking roumd York, visting a castle and having a coffee together. We later caught the train together and I sat with her for the first stage of the journey. I got off the train at Leeds and was walking with her to catch her second train. At the point when we got closer to her train, she wanted to walk alone and mentioned to check online.
The next day, I checked my messages online at the dating site. The woman I had spent 5 hours in York, wrote a paragraph about what she recognised as my positive qualities, from, being intelligent, funny and i did nothing wrong on the date. However, she mentioned that the feelings she built up for me before this first date did not match when she was with me. Again I can't help thinking that she was now looking for someone more wealthy than me to help her during the separation?
This has affected my confifdence and I felt this might continue with other women online, where I could not progress beyong the first. I decided to leave the online dating so after the last date. Getting to know someone online, looking forwatd to meeting the woman, dressing smart, planning the journet and then spending time with the woman I really enjoyed. However, on reflection it is a lot of effort, only to experience it all evaporate after that one date, with no further contact.
I am feeling lost and think I will never meet anyone?
Please can you understand what is going wrong?
Thanks for writing in and dropping a word. It takes a lot to open up about issues in the back of the mind and when its related to our heart, it takes guts to pen down left alone talk with someone about the same. I appreciate your gesture in pouring your heart felt emotions and seeking a helping hand for the same, which clearly reflects that how much you devoted towards your relationship and want to make it smoother at any cost. Kudos to you !!!
Well to be honest, you need to just clam down a bit and don't think so much into past failures. Many a times we come across ladies who appeal to us, with whom we kinda gell in interaction but when we actually meet and see their behaviour in real life, we kinda have different ideas. The ladies you have dated have been ones who are free flowing and who prefers the guy to take initiative and keep the conversation on.
The only problem with you is that you have been trying too hard to win over them or impress them, in the process losing your originality. Whenever you interact only, choose ladies who can be of same age group or whom you can gell up. And make sure you let them know your views, priorities afront, so that they can decide if they can gell with you in long run or not?
Just go out and give your best and things would fall in place...
All the best !!
Bringing smiles on the faces on the way .....