You are here:

How to Have an Online Relationship/Online dating-Succeeding on the first date

Advertisement


Question
Dear Dr Michael Nuccitelli,

I have not been successful at achieving a second date using online dating. I have a very good profile and an excellent picture online. I am a lecturer wth 4 degrees and I teach in a college. Previously I worked in pharmeceutical research. I keep fit and dress smart bot online and for the dates. I have a good sense of humour, genuine, honest and considerate.

The first women online, I met for a first date both communicated well with me and we were interested in each other. The first date involved me meeting a woman in a park. We spent two hours together and she had her dog with her. We apparently got on well during th date. She asked me several questions about my job and holidays.There was no real affection from her during the date. I didmention certain things I liked about her. I could not help thinking that she was was assessing my financial position. Sge did agree to go on a second date with me for a meal. However she thoight about it for about one week and in a text to me said there had been no spark for her. This woman had separated from her husband. She told me that there was no intention of getting back with her husband.

There was good communication and some affection in the emails, with a second woman online, who had also separated from her partner. She asked me if it was OK to meet. I suggested we should have a day in a beautiful city called York. During the date we visited York Minster and sat down inside to talk for a reasonable period. During the time in York Minster she was interested in what I did for a living, in more detail.

Later we had an Italian meal and I thought the date was going well. I asked her if she would like to meet again? She was unsure and suggested she would need to think about it later. This made me think that she would not see me again. We still spent a further 3 hours with each other walking roumd York, visting a castle and having a coffee together. We later caught the train together and I sat with her for the first stage of the journey. I got off the train at Leeds and was walking with her to catch her second train. At the point when we got closer to her train, she wanted to walk alone and mentioned to check online.

The next day, I checked my messages online at the dating site. The woman I had spent 5 hours in York, wrote a paragraph about what she recognised as my positive qualities, from, being intelligent, funny and i did nothing wrong on the date. However, she mentioned that the feelings she built up for me before this first date did not match when she was with me. Again I can't help thinking that she was now looking for someone more wealthy than me to help her during the separation?

This has affected my confifdence and I felt this might continue with other women online, where I could not progress beyong the first. I decided to leave the online dating so after the last date. Getting to know someone online, looking forwatd to meeting the woman, dressing smart, planning the journet and then spending time with the woman I really enjoyed. However, on reflection it is a lot of effort, only to experience it all evaporate after that one date, with no further contact.

I am feeling lost and think I will never meet anyone?

Please can you understand what is going wrong?

Brent

Answer
Dear Brent,

Good morning from New York and I have thoroughly reviewed your question. The answer to your question does not require a long response as your problem is not your approach, presentation, courting strategy or "good luck" meter gone awry. Whether you venture into the dating and courtship scene offline or online, the rules are exactly the same. Using a sports analogy metaphor regarding courtship, online and offline dating is the same exact sport with the same exact rules of play, but played in different stadiums. The fact that you have failed with two women is no different than any other man on the face of the earth. Since the start on human civilization, to present, and ad infinitum, the species called, gender female, is complex to say the least.

The only difference I've concluded, as to offline vs. online dating, is that females tend to be far more fickle and "picky" than offline dating. The reason for this is that women, with their profiles available for inspection at dating sites, get anywhere from 10-20X more introductory offers from men than men getting introductory messages from women. Adding the additional complexity that most women's friends and loved ones who know she is involved in a dating website riddle her with cautious advice...I think you can begin to see the picture.

From my professional experience, on average I would say that the guys I've consulted have been on at least 5-7 dates before they connected with one who is a possible connection. Offline dating seems to average between 3-5. In conclusion, there is nothing wrong with you. As to being lost you ask???

The answer is 100% yes you are lost. lol...But then again...so are the other 3.1 billion men who walk the face of the planet. If it helps to bring things into perspective for you. I have a doctoral degree in Clinical and Forensic Psychology, use to primarily conduct both marital and couples counseling in my private practice and grew up in a matriarchal family system whereby the 5 sisters, that my mother was one of, ruled the proverbial clan.

Given I have extensive personal, academic and clinical experience with gender female....Do you think I have the "hidden secret?" lol...Not even close my friend. Never forget who and what you are attempting to intrigue. Female, Woman, Girl, Lady, Madame, Miss, Ms., and XX sex chromosome.

Patience, Persistence and Proper Etiquette. lol...Welcome to the club!!!

Regards,
Dr. Michael Nuccitelli
CEO, iPredator Inc.
www.iPredator.co  

How to Have an Online Relationship

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Dr. Michael Nuccitelli

Expertise

Onling dating safety,cyber bullying, cyber stalking, cybercrime, cyber terrorism, online sexual predators, child predators, Internet safety, psychopathology, criminal & forensic psychology and cyber psychology. I cannot answer questions on the technological aspects of Information and Communications Technology.

Experience

Dr. Michael Nuccitelli is a New York State licensed psychologist and certified forensic consultant. He completed his doctoral degree in clinical psychology in 1994 from the Adler School of Professional Psychology in Chicago, Illinois. In 1997, Dr. Nuccitelli became a licensed psychologist in New York State (License # 013009.) In 2006, he received the Certified Forensic Consultant designation from the American College of Forensic Examiners (Identification # 103110.) Dr. Nuccitelli has developed a theoretical construct, iPredator, which encapsulates all online users who use Information and Communications Technology to abuse, harm, steal from or disparage other online users. His theory of iPredator is recognized by the American College of Forensic Examiners International.Dr. Nuccitelli has expertise in Online Dating Safety.

Organizations
American College of Forensic Examiners International.

Publications
The Forensic Examiner

Education/Credentials
Dr. Nuccitelli is a New York State Licensed Psychologist and certified forensic consultant designated by the American College of Forensic Examiners International.

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.