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How to Have an Online Relationship/When to exchange numbers online dating?


Hi :-) !

I am new to online dating and would like to get some advice. I recently joined Eharmony and within days of joining this guy contacted me. I liked his profile, & we went through the entire guided communication process (I don't respond to those quick questions unless a guy has an interesting, well written profile that appeals to me). When we got to the open communication stage and he told me in his first eHarmony mail that he was not much into mailing and asked if I would like to talk on phone. He also gave me his number.

I was not comfortable talking on phone with a stranger and let him know. He said ok. So we began mailing, and soon realized that we do have a lot to talk about. It has been 10 days and we have exchanged over 30 long emails discussing books, philosophy and spirituality. Now again he says that we should start talking on phone. In fact even I want to, but was kind of feeling apprehensive because of a past online experience. Also, there is a 2000 mile distance between our locations. Maybe you will advice me to date more locally. Actually I don't have any problem meeting guys in "real" life, but never seem to meeting the type of guys I want to. Some people I know met compatible partners on Eharmony--two of them are long distance--so I thought I might give it a try.

I know that one is supposed to talk with many prospects during the initial weeks to get a knack of it. I tried, but some of the others just disappeared, or sounded too boring/flirty. With this guy, communication has been effortless. I am a 30 year old woman, & he is 34. Both of us are at that stage in life where we are ready to look for a serious relationship. I have seen his LinkedIn & FB profiles too--just to cross check.

Anyway, do you think I should share numbers and see where it goes? This feels so scary and exciting at the same time. I am confused?

Thank you!

Hi N,

Why talk just talk on the phone when you two have already written 30 long emails to each other?  That is quite a lot of emails.

When you agreed to open yourself to considering men who lived 2000 miles away from you, how did you envision your first date and meeting would be?

Are you looking for matrimony like at the Indian matrimony sites, or did you just want to have an internet pen pal?  

Having exchanged so many lengthy emails, with my dating coaching for women clients I'd recommend to aim to meet for a first date. Then the two of you will know if there is in-person chemistry and if there is any point to continuing your lengthy cyber correspondence.

The point of exchanging phone numbers is not to chit chat like Mr. 34 is aiming to do, but instead to make arrangements for a first date.  Don't over build up your expectations and get too excited.  Instead, aim to meet this man finally offline in the real world.

If nothing else, with all the two of you share in common, you two would certainly become good friends.  

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April Braswell


As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd edition. As a professional seminar speaker to singles about using online dating and other social media sites, I help singles to stay safe while pursuing the online soul mate in cyber dating space while in Web 2.0 world.


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