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How to Have an Online Relationship/why has he viewed my profile 4X but hasn't messaged me?


Hi. I am in my thirties, never been married, and a member on  I am considering messaging this man and am obviously attracted to him and his profile. He lives a little less than two hours away. The thing is, he has not messaged me but I see he's looked at my profile four times. I'm assuming he may be indecisive about messaging me for whatever reason/s.  Is it possible that a man is too shy, even online, to message a woman he wants to get to know?  I have a hard time believing that might be a possibility, but what do you think? That he is just can't make up his mind about me?  I am fairly shy myself, but am not afraid to make the first move. Of course, I don't want to be rejected, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. That's life!  This is a good-looking guy!  So what do you think and what do you make of his actions?  Thank you.

Hi Holly,

Good for you for putting yourself out there at the real and quality online dating sites like Eharmony and even being willing to make the first move yourself as the lady.

To help you with how to behave online, it can be a little frustrating at times to do internet dating vs. meeting people ITRW where you have all the added helps of being able to flirt a little as well as see what the other is doing.

Just seeing that he has viewed your profile 4x unfortunately tells you absolutely nothing about him as the man.  Know first and foremost, men are highly visually stimulated.  If he, like yourself, is in his 30s, who know how serious he really is about a relationship.  Just because he has a profile posted at Eharmony doesn't mean he is sufficiently serious as to have made the investment in a relationship to have paid the membership fees.  He might just have posted a profile during one of Eharmony's freebie weekends and just be sitting back, looking at ladies' profile ( photos waiting to see who will approach him.  If he's a very good looking guy, he might be a bit spoiled and used to women making the first move.  

This is the 21st century, and ladies can make the first approach, just if you ever do, do it as a lady and not like how men do.  You almost need to bat your eyelashes and drop your handkerchief online in your message.  "Eharmony messaged me that you've been viewing my profile, so I felt I'd say, "Hi," just so I'm not tempting fate." And then let him say something.  Very short, a little flirt, very light, and still leaves all the heavy lifting of a major approach to the man.  

Men, especially those under 50 yrs old, are hormonally wired to pursue and approach women.  Even the most shy will do so.  Don't mommy him here, or you'll be stuck doing so the entire time you're dating.

If you're at Eharmony, I hope you also have your profile up at 2 other high quality paid dating sites.    

Look for the men who are attracted to you sufficiently to approach and pursue.  The best relationships are with those men who themselves want to be with us.  

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April Braswell


As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd edition. As a professional seminar speaker to singles about using online dating and other social media sites, I help singles to stay safe while pursuing the online soul mate in cyber dating space while in Web 2.0 world.


One of the top 2 internet dating experts.

As seen in Dating for Dummies, 3rd edition. CBS Radio Las Vegas GateHouse Media In Touch Weekly Boston Globe Kansas City Star Women's World

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