Orthodox Judaism/adultry

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QUESTION: al most 40 years ago I did this sin, my Wife forgave me I have ask G-d a million times to forgive, for many many years I never thought he could, this is very hard for me even today, there our times I will cry about, my wife will tell again its over I have forgiven you, prono was a  nother very bad habit, there where times again when I could not get a handle on it, I will say now it is not a real issue now, there have been temptation, my question, can I really believe in my heartthat Hashem has forgiven of these sins?

ANSWER: Hi Frank,

I assume you mean you were with another woman 40 years ago?  Was she Jewish?  Was she with another man at the time you were with her?

With the porno, I assume you mean masturbation without being with your wife?

You are a lucky man, your wife must love you very much.

Do you keep Shabbos with all the laws?  Kosher?  Family purity laws?

Best,
David.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: NO SHE WAS SINGLE WAS SHE JEWISH I DON'T THINK SO IT WAS A ONE TIME VERY BAD MISTAKE, YES ON THE SECOND ONE, THAT IS A VERY BAD TIME I HAD A REAL BATTLE WITH, THAT MAKES ME REALLY FEEL DIRTY, MY WIFE IS REALLY THE LOVE OF MY LIFE, I NEVER HAD MANY GIRL FRIENDS AND I WAS A VIRGIN WHEN WE GOT MARRIED. THE LAST ONE I LIKE TO BE ABLE TO TELL YOU I KEEP THE SHABBOS KOSHER, I HAVE MADE SOME PROGRESS ON IT, MY WORK HAS ME OFF FRIDAY AND GOING IN AT 3 AND 4 ON SAT. DO I EAT KOSHER I EAT CLEAN ANIMALS OUR THEY KOSHER SLAUGHTER NO, AGAIN I NEED HELP IN THESE AREA OF MY LIFE. EXPLAIN THE THIRD ONE I AM NOT SURE. I WANT TO THANK VERY MUCH, NOTHING MORE IN MY LIFE I WANT TO FOLLOW HASHEM RIGHT, NO MORE GAMES, I JUST HOPE HE UNDERSTAND ME ON THESE THINGS.

ANSWER: Hi Frank,

When you say she was single, I understand she was not married.  But the question is, was she committed to another man, regardless whether she was committed in or our of wedlock.  If she was not committed to any man in any way, then the act is not adultery.  It is still prohibited but not as severe.

Is your wife with you on your quest to return to Torah observance?  Would she be willing to start shopping in a kosher supermarket, if not always, perhaps a couple of times a month?

The family purity question has to do with a woman who menstruates.  Relations are only permitted after she has immersed herself in a Mikva (ritual bath).  There are some simple rules you/she need to learn before going to the Mikva.  If your wife no longer menstruates and has not gone to the Mikva since the last time she menstruated, it is extremely advisable that she go to the Mikva as soon as possible.  Young people have to go every month but post menopause, she goes one last time and should be good for life.

With respect to forgives from Hashem, did you grow up in a fully Torah observant home and rebelled against it?  If your environment was never completely Torah observant perhaps a case can be made that you did all these things not knowing, if not with total ignorance, perhaps if I may borrow the term "empirical" ignorance.  For starters I would not look backward.  Begin by looking forward.  Make concrete decisions that you can live with day to day without fail.  Hashem will surely look kindly upon you seeing how you change.  When you are at home on Shabbos, if you watch TV, have it turn on and off with a timer, rather than doing it yourself, same with lights,air conditioning.  Start cooking some dishes before Shabbos so you avoid cooking on Shabbos.  Start changes that you feel you can do, changes that you feel profoundly committed to.

Please know that I am no expert in this field,I am a simple Jew who tries to keep the Torah.

Let me know what you think about all this.

Best,
David.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: First thank you for your help on this issue. There where plenty of hard knocks on this. This question I hope doesn't. Throw you. My parents never had me circumsized and living in a Christian home then taught all most my whole life oh you don't that. Now this is a area that will Hashem throw me out. That has entered my mine a million times. That is when I fell to be a fake. The big thing. I DID PASSOVER WHEN I AM WRITING THIS OH L-RD FORGIVE ME.

Answer
Hi Frank,

I don't get it; you lived in a Christian home?  Yet you are Jewish?

I think you need to focus on one thing a time; worrying about other things will take the attention off of something important and nothing will get done.  From all the issues you have mentioned, pick one to focus on and work hard on, something you thing you can really commit to.

Timers on Shabbos?  Shop in kosher supermarket?  Mikva?

Whatever it is you pick, do not think about other things at all for a while, give yourself a break.  So if you commit to timers on Shabbos, do not think about circumcision or Passover or kosher.  Just make sure you do the timers right.  Do it for a few weeks, a few months.  See if giving yourself time will make you comfortable in taking on another thing.  All this worrying about Hashem accepting you seems self destructive to me because it does not get you anywhere.

I say, take it easy and start doing something concrete and definite.

Best,
David.

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David Rosenblum

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I am an ex-student of yeshiva and I like to be presented with Torah study problems. If you have studied the Torah and have questions on the subject matter, I want to hear about it. I am not a Rabbi and not qualified to decide halachic issues. I am still interested in halachic questions for which I can sometimes offer general guidelines or present decisions in halachic works such as Mishna Berurah. I welcome questions from non-Jewish people but I cannot respond to religious references that are not part of Judaism. If you are working on a paper or doing research and want general information on a Jewish subject, I may or may not satisfy your need, depending on how comfortable I am with the question. If you have a personal problem, I am not qualified to help you but I will do what I can to offer you some assistance.

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