Orthodox Judaism/Kohen with Convert


Dear Rav,

I am writing to you because I honestly donít know what to do.  I feel lost and hopeless.

A couple years ago I converted to Orthodox Judaism. I did this for myself and no other reason. During this time I didnít date anyone as I thought it would just complicate things. I felt a strong pull towards it and guided by Hashem, made it through the process with a big happy feeling in my heart and a smile on my face.

Thatís just a small bit of background information.

Since then, the worst and yet most awesome thing happened to me.

I formed the strongest bond with a man who seems so perfect for me. We think in similar ways, we want the same Jewish home / family, we have the same values and beliefs, we constantly challenge each other and promote growth in various aspects of our lives (whether spiritually, emotionally, professionally etc.), and most importantly, we love each other so much. We would get married in a heartbeat without a doubt if it were possible.

I am sure you can see where the problem lies. He is a Kohen.

We are both really struggling with this as we both agree that there is absolutely no way that we can walk away and let go of our feelings and deep connection. It just feels impossible. The thought alone makes both of us want to die.

We have researched and queried and tried almost everything so that we can have a proper Orthodox chuppah ceremony. But I am really feeling hopeless and I feel that each of us are being pushed further and further away from the religion that we both once felt so passionate about.

Please help. Do you have any advice or suggestions or solutions?

Do we just go on secretly dating forever? :(

I know itís a really tough question and I know what the halacha is. But I am desperately hoping that there is something I have missed.

Look forward to your reply.

Hi Sara,

I am not a Rav.

Nor do I have a solution to your problem the way you'd hoped.  I can only offer a perspective.  The Jews are destined for greatness.  As a convert you need to ask yourself, did you become a convert to be part of our great future.  Being a jew now is very hard.  We are hated, persecuted and many of us do not have the capacity to escape from human misery by engulfing themselves in Judaism.  But all religious Jews have the great hope that things will change, dramatically.  You have a choice to make, do you want to sacrifice this future for love?  Are you convinced this love will last this lifetime?  What if the spark that inspired you to convert won't give you peace?  What if your partner will feel this way?  What if on the day your love is not doing so well, this feeling will tip your love over into resentment?  These are hard things to hear, but remember, for a Jew a lifetime is short term.

Best of luck to both of you!

Orthodox Judaism

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts


David Rosenblum


I am an ex-student of yeshiva and I like to be presented with Torah study problems. If you have studied the Torah and have questions on the subject matter, I want to hear about it. I am not a Rabbi and not qualified to decide halachic issues. I am still interested in halachic questions for which I can sometimes offer general guidelines or present decisions in halachic works such as Mishna Berurah. I welcome questions from non-Jewish people but I cannot respond to religious references that are not part of Judaism. If you are working on a paper or doing research and want general information on a Jewish subject, I may or may not satisfy your need, depending on how comfortable I am with the question. If you have a personal problem, I am not qualified to help you but I will do what I can to offer you some assistance.


yeshiva student

Yeshiva student

©2017 About.com. All rights reserved.

[an error occurred while processing this directive]