Question ANSWERS TO YOUR QUESTIONS BELOW IN CAPS
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Followup To
Question -
Uncle Sam is 78, shomer shabbat, and the Great Uncle of a young woman about to become Bat Mitzvah at a Conservative shul in another state. The girl's parents, who live 1.8 miles from the shul, have arranged for a block of rooms at the hotel closest to the shul which is 3.1 miles away. They also have arranged for Uncle Sam and his wife to stay at the home of one of their fellow congregants who lives within a 5 minute walk from the shul, keeps a strictly kosher home, and volunteers to host shomer shabbat out of town guests attending family life cycle events. Uncle Sam refuses to stay with the volunteer host because he is "uncomfortable staying with strangers." The parents offer to allow Uncle Sam to stay with them at their home. Uncle Sam says they live too far from the shul for him to walk, so he will stay at the hotel and not attend the Bat Mitzvah, just the party that evening after Shabbat ends. The parents offer to drive him, saying he can accept a ride for medical considerations. Uncle Sam refuses to ride in a motor vehicle. The parents offer to get a wheel chair and wheel him from their home to and from the shul so he can attend the Bat Mitzvah. Uncle Sam refuses. The girl, who has no grandparents and views Uncle Sam as the patriarch of the whole mispachah, is devastated that Uncle Sam will not attend her Bat Mitzvah. The parents ask Uncle Sam: which is more "sinful" - to avoid riding in a car by sitting in a hotel, to eat trafe in the restaurant, to miss the girl's Bat Mitzvah, to not attend Shabbat services, to upset the girl, and then to celebrate that decision at a party ... or ... to accept a ride, to attend services, to be honored with an Aliyah, to witness the girl's Bat Mitzvah, to eat a kosher luncheon at the synagogue, to make the girl delighted to see her Uncle there, and then to celebrate that decision at a party? Uncle Sam says the former is more Jewish than the latter. The parents say Uncle Sam is perverting the commandment to keep the Sabbath holy and should accept one of their three solutions to accommodate his shomer Shabbat observance beliefs. According to the Orthodox view, are the parents or Uncle Sam more correct? What should Uncle Sam do to set a good example of Jewish living?
Answer -
I will need some additional information to properly answer your question:
1) Is this a real life situation or a mental exercise?
THE SITUATION IS REAL. THE BAT MITZVAH IS ON OCTOBER 29TH.
2) Is Uncle Sam Orthodox?
NOT SURE. WHEN I FIRST MET UNCLE SAM 20 YEARS AGO, HIS WIFE WAS DYING OF CANCER, HE WAS SITTING IN HIS KITCHEN EATING BACON ON SATURDAY MORNING GETTING READY TO GO INTO THE OFFICE JUST TO CHECK ON A FEW THINGS. HIS WIFE DIED A FEW MONTHS LATER. A MONTH LATER, HE CAME TO MY WEDDING AND MET A WOMAN HE MARRIED A YEAR LATER AT WHICH TIME HE DECIDED HE WOULD BE "ORTHODOX". HE NOW BELONGS TO A CONSERVADOX SHUL. HE RAISED HIS TWO KIDS IN A CONSERVATIVE SHUL. YOU TELL ME IF HE IS ORTHODOX. I DON'T THINK IT MATTERS. I AM INTERESTED IN THE ORTHODOX PERSPECTIVE FOR A PERSON WHO IS GENUINELY SHOMER SHABBAT.
3) What is Uncle Sam's normal routine for going to Shul? ie does he walk or ride?
HE LIVES 10 MINUTES FROM HIS SHUL. HE WALKS. BUT HE DROVE TO SHUL DURING HIS RECOVERY PERIOD WHEN HE HAD SURGERY ON HIS LEG.
4) Why would he be forced to eat unclean in the resturant?
BECAUSE THE HOTEL IS NOT A KOSHER FACILITY AND THERE ARE NO RESTAURANTS WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE OF THE HOTEL THAT ARE KOSHER. YET HE WILL EAT AT SOME RESTAURANT THAT DAY (STICKING TO DAIRY/PARVE).
Get back to me and I'll do the same. Shalom!
THANKS AND SHALOM TO YOU TOO! SHANA TOVA.
Answer The reason I asked about his 'orthodoxy' is because, as you know, they do not celebrate bat mitzvot, and as such might just be trying to beg off gracefully.
Non-kosher and unclean are not necessarily the same thing. It appears he is well-versed in living and eating in the diaspora, so I don't think the resturant part is applicable or changes anything.
He obviously is trying to lead a more kosher life than his bacon days, so I think the family should support his position. After all, there is no commandment to go to shul or to attend a bat/bar mitzvah, but there are commandments not to light a fire (ie the internal combustion engine) or to travel ("Let ever man remain in his place") or to be pushed around in a wheelchair on Shabbat, unless a life or death emergency exists, when the laws can be set aside.
Finally, we can all learn from our older folks, especially when they, at an advanced age, become and teach better observance, which is best shown rather than spoken. The family will just have to accept his decisions...they are kosher, although perhaps not popular....and,
"Thou shalt rise up before the aged, and honour the face of the old man, and thou shalt fear thy G-d: I am the L-rd" Leviticus 19:32
