AboutAlayne Grey Expertise I am a Druid and a scholar of Wicca and other forms of Paganism - I can answer people's questions about Wicca, Witchcraft, Druidry (specifically), how to begin Pagan studies, Asatru, Shamanism and so on. I also feel myself competent to deal with the questions of teenage seekers looking to be Pagans, as I am a teenager myself.
Experience I've been a Druid for almost a year, write essays for Witchvox, and I am currently writing a book on controversial Pagan issues. I am widely read about Wicca and other Pagan paths and about the best foundations for beginning such a rewarding spirituality.
Publications I am listed under "Alayne Grey" on Witchvox and have written several essays, including one about my own beginner's experience.
Education/Credentials I am a Pagan teenager completing my A-Levels, having achieved high GCSE awards the previous year in 2005.
Expert: Alayne Grey Date: 6/20/2008 Subject: I need some advice on the conflict between my Christian hubby and my beliefs.
Question Hi, my name is Holly, I'm nineteen, and I have a problem.
When I was younger, I was intrigued by Wiccan and Pagan beliefs and rituals. I meditated a few times, but I knew better than to take anything lightly, so I never performed spells or ceremonies since I was not ready to make the religion a large part of my life. Holistic healers and Pagans were frequent in my family history, and as I researched more, I knew that I wanted to join my family and be a part of it.
When I was fifteen, I met my current husband, and became pregnant not long after. Therefore, our relationship got very serious very quickly. He is a Pentecostal Christian, and although he does not go to church as often as he should, and he doesn't follow everything that his faith tells him to do, he is a firm believer, and the fact that his father is a pastor, makes his belief even stronger. When I met him, I stopped looking to Wicca and Pagan books in fear that he would not accept me for it. After all, he hopes that one day I will convert to Pentecostal, although I've told him many times that I could never follow that faith, and that my heart would never be in it.
Now, four years later, we are married, and have two children together. Although we love each other very much, and it seems like life could not get any better, I feel like something is missing from my life. I have been thinking recently about religion, and maybe it would be a good time now to bring Wicca or Paganism into my life wholly.
I am afraid though, mostly of my husband's close-mindedness, but partly of the way the rest of world would see me also. You see, whenever Elliott (my husband) and I discuss religion, he speaks about other religions as if the practitioners of those religions were crazy for following it. Especially Wicca. When we have these discussions, it always ends in an argument, since we have opposing opinions.
The other day, though, we were watching a movie together, called "The Good Witch" (an excellent movie that I recommend to anyone, especially witches. It deals with the prejudice against witches and how they are just like everyone else and should be accepted as regular people.), and he said something that surprised me. He said that the people of the town shouldn't create a petition to shut down the holistic shop, and she had a right to be there just as much as everyone else. He said that if the people didn't like the shop, that they should just stay out of it. He said also that she should be accepted as a human being. I was shocked. After everything that he's said against witches, this statement confused me.
So, obviously, I need advice on whether you think he will accept my decision or not. You may say that if he loves me, he'll accept me, but I'm not sure. I know he loves me, and always will, but if he holds my religion against me and believes that I am beneath him or thinks that I will go to hell for my beliefs, then I am not accepted. I would like to practice this religion, but if it will create a controversy in my marriage, then I'm not sure I would like to pursue it entirely. What do you think I should do?
Answer Hi Holly,
Above all things, your husband is a Christian - his denomination is irrelevant. And he believes that "love the sinner, hate the sin." He respected the woman in the movie as a human being although she was in his eyes a sinner, he just dislikes other religions. And with good reason: Christianity charges its followers to proselytize and convert people to what they believe is the true faith. There is no room for compromise. You cannot expect him to ever completely accept your faith, because acceptance signifies that he believes it is valid, and under the rules of his faith he cannot do that.
HOW WILL HE REACT?
He may well be deeply upset if you tell him that you are a Pagan, as he believes that if you do not repent and become a Christian you will go to Hell after you die, depriving him of his beloved wife and your children of their mum. I don't think he'll feel you are "beneath him", as Christians believe all human beings are equal, but he will be afraid for you and press his efforts to make you see that Christianity is the true faith. Of course, it may even break up your young marriage.
WHAT IS MORE IMPORTANT?
You already know how he feels about faiths other than his own. So what your issue is, instead, is if you consider it more important than your marriage. If you choose to be staunchly Pagan and feel you must tell him, be prepared for the end of your relationship as a possible consequence; if you believe your marriage is more important, you must look to unobtrusive practice. You don't need candles, incense and magic tools to practice Wicca or Paganism; just prayer and faith, same as any other religion.
NEXT STEPS
Talk to your husband about his faith. Ask him for his testimony about being a Christian, ask him about controversial issues like abortion and homosexuality and Christianity to find out all his views. Weigh up how liberal he is with his conservative views. If he's more liberal than conservative, he may be able to accept more open practice, though he won't want to see it near his kids. (After all, he will expect to baptise them and raise them in the Lord.) Look honestly at Christianity yourself - what do you dislike so much about it? Could you practice it yourself, taking a liberal view of modern issues and the loving approach to other people of the best Christians, who follow the way of Jesus?
Talk honestly with your husband if you attempt to try being a Christian. Tell him your problems with it. Tell him why you are Pagan. He sounds like a good man who will be understanding if you can talk together. And talk about religion and your children with your husband - no doubt this is important to him too. He may not understand Paganism and believe the "spiritual warfare" book nonsense that makes us out as orgy-loving baby-sacrificing devil worshippers; you can correct that.
