Expert: Rev. Alfred Willowhawk, DMsc, CTPR, CTM, RMT, Shamanic Practitioner, Metaphysician, HP - 6/6/2013
Question I want to start off by saying that I have no experience or knowledge about anything Pagan, Wiccan, or the like. I have only ever skim a few books that say it would teach magik (forgive me if I have spelled it wrong, but it was how the author wrote it in the first book I've ever read on the subject). To my regret, I should have read them through because then I probably wouldn't be bothering people to help me with this problem.
I'm not sure when it first started, or how, but I haven't felt "normal" for at least five years now. It seems like there is an important part of me missing and it drives me nuts at time wondering what isn't there anymore that is suppose to be. My personality has changed in a way that I wonder if I really who I am before. I do things I have NEVER done before, and shouldn't be doing. And I just can't help myself at times. It is like most of my control is gone. Like a huge part of me is missing.
Things in my life had gone downhill because of this. I've lost many close people and opportunities. I can't find it in myself to work at keeping those who stayed here with me. I just don't seem to have that energy that drew them to me in the first place. And I can see that they, too, are drifting away. I am so ashamed of myself that I just can't go up to them and apologize for not being the brilliant person they had known.
I don't know exactly what is gone, and I may never know. But I was wondering if there is anything I can do about this? What steps I can take to prevent things from getting worse?
Thank you for your time. Also, I'm not sure if it shows people's name in these questions, but please don't mention mine if possible. I'm sorry if that is troublesome.
First off if you reply to this answer please make it PRIVATE then it will not be posted and your name will not be mentioned.
As to what is going on, it is often that individuals who "read" a few books about Wicca and Paganism begin to feel "different". This is part of the true nature of the Pagan Path.
When an individual becomes aware of the energetic nature of the entire world their subconscious begins to take note of that energy. This awareness then is compared to the personal energetic balance of the individual and things begin to shift as one begins to become more attuned to the world around them.
This may be the source of some of what you are feeling. Our emotions are the barometer that our subconscious uses to assist us in looking at the world in a different way, (among many other things).
Shame however, is mostly internal and is closely related to guilt. That being said, the balance of your question I would like to discuss in a PRIVATE conversation either here or you can email me at: email@example.com.
All is not lost
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Thank you. While I am still mostly confused, I'm going to try and think back to when I first peeked at those books to now to see if it is what started it.
Rev. Alfred Willowhawk, DMsc, CTPR, CTM, RMT, Shamanic Practitioner, Metaphysician, HP
I can answer questions related to paganism, wicca, spiritual coaching, Native American Spirituality, shamanic healing, Altered States of Consciousness, Reiki, Celtic Transformational Healing, Celtic Mythology,( Welsh, Irish, Britonic), Kabbalah, Goddesses and Gods. I also answer questions on paranormal experiences
I am a full Professor at Woolston-Steen Theological Seminary and the Sr. Pastor of the Wite Rayvn Metaphysical Church ATC,a Gardnarian 3rd Degree and am also ordained through the International Metaphysical Ministry. I have previously been ordained as an Orthodox Rabbi, and Christian Minister. I am a Registered Spiritual Counselor, Metaphysical Practitioner and have been a Licensed Spiritual Coach, (2007) and a Reiki Master since 1995. I am the High Priest of the Family Tradition mentioned above.
As I learned each technique, I realized the benefits and the shortcomings of each one. As I continued to search, study, learn, and incorporate these into my own growth I became a more balanced, happy, satisfied person, for myself.
As I become more satisfied with myself, I attracted more balanced, happy, satisfied people into my own life.
I realized that these techniques combined together, can be used by ANYONE. Therefore. I became a Spiritual Coach to be able to share this with anyone who wanted to - Be ALL that they ALREADY Are.
I am a published author, and have many articles on alternative healing techniques, including Reiki,meditations, shamanic practices, training courses, and articles on following your own life and spiritual path.
I have earned a Doctorate of Metaphysical Science (DMsc) from the University of Sedona.
Currently, I teach the following courses: Celtic Transformational Healing, The Warrior Within, Intuitive Tarot Reading, Soul Retrieval for Shamanic practitioners, and Shamanic Soul: Path to the Sacred Self,(Core Metaphysical Shamanism), Tree of Life in YOUR Daily Walk as well as all three levels of traditional Usui Reiki.
Organizations Charter Member, International Metaphysical Association
International Metaphysical Ministry
Wite Rayvn Metaphysical Church ATC
Native American Church Wite Rayvn
Aquarian Tabernacle Church International
Education/Credentials B.A. Temple University
BMsc University of Sedona
MMsc, University of Sedona
DMsc, University of Sedona
Traditional Spiritual Leader and Medicine Man, Native American Church
Certified Tarot Professional Reader
High Priest (Wite Rayvn)
Shamanic Practitioner, (Metaphysical)
Gardnarian 3rd Degree
Awards and Honors Woolston-Steen Theological Seminary Volunteer Recognition Award 2012