Pain Management/Sleep support



I have a new partner who has lived with chronic back/neck pain for almost 2 decades. When he sleeps over, my mattress/bed leaves him in more pain the next day. Is there anything that I can do/buy to make sleeping at my cause less pain for him?

I searched online and I can't buy an expensive mattress but there seemed to be other things (pillows, toppers, wedges etc) that are more affordable. I don't know anything about any of this- I like my pillows and mattress to feel like a fluffy cloud! Can you recommend anything? Or combination of things that we can try?

Thank you!

ANSWER: Hi, Kathy,

The mattress isn't the issue (unless it's soft and broken down); your partner's condition is the issue.

Chronically tight, he lacks flexibility and the tight muscles report their fatigue as pain.

Better to recondition his muscular system:  flexibility conditioning.

Here are two starting points of information:

and a starting point for flexibility-conditioning (not stretching)

My larger recommendation:
The Cat Stretch Exercises |
(contains free preview)

Just in case he thinks stretching has value, here's a different viewpoint:

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Hi- Thank you for the resources. I will definitely pass those on to him. He's pretty well versed in trying to alleviate the pain- I know he stretches, avoids exercise that can strain his back, log-rolls when getting up from laying down. He had an implant last year but it didn't help. He's currently going thru a battery of testing to see if he can learn anything more than what he knows already.

He just tells me that sleeping in my bed leads to more pain the next day compared to his own bed that has a special mattress etc. I just want to do what I can to offer him more comfort so he *can* sleep over at my house sometimes. He has pain no matter where he sleeps, but my bed causes more and I would like to do whatever I can to alleviate some of that. I don't know if my mattress is soft/broken down- I like it but I like soft and fluffy. It's 10 years old and definitely not firm because I like soft. I will show him the links you provided- but is there anything I can do to make his stays at my house more comfortable?

Thank you so much!

Hi, Kathy,

What can I say?  I've provided the information resources; it's up to him to follow up.  He should stop stretching; it's of obviously little, if any, value, and sometimes of negative value.  Here's the article on stretching that he should read (particularly if he thinks "he already knows"):

Any other solution will leave his painful condition intact and, in the case of bed accessories, be expensive.

Wouldn't you both like him to be out of pain?

Pain Management

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Lawrence Gold


back pain exercises -|- back muscle pain -|- back muscle spasms -|- degenerative disc disease -|- disc bulge -|- dizziness -|- groin pain -|- groin pull -|- lifting injuries -|- lower back pain -|- lower back exercises -|- sciatica -|- whiplash injuries -|- Hanna Somatics -|- headaches -|- iliopsoas bursitis -|- iliopsoas muscle -|- iliopsoas syndrome -|- iliopsoas stretches -|- movement limitations -|- psoas stretch -|- psoas muscle pain -|- psoas stretches -|- psoas major / minor muscles -|- somatics -|- somatic exercises -|- somatic education -|-


In practice since 1990. Two years on staff at a hospital Wellness and Rehabilitation Center.

Townsend Letter for Doctors and Patients, American Journal of Pain Management, Somatics: Magazine-Journal of the Mind-Body Arts and Sciences. More complete listing at

Certifications: Hanna Somatic Education, the Dr. Ida P. Rolf method of Structural Integration (partial list)

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