Pakistan/marriage to Pakistani/moving to Pakistan
I know better now. wrote at 2007-10-30 20:49:17
My husband is from Pakistan, and I am American. We went there 3 weeks ago...let me just say this - I will never go back. It is worse than what you can ever imagine. As a woman, especially having grown up in American culture, you will not be happy there. Imagine this: The smell of wastewater just sitting in the trenches they dig around the houses, trash lying in the streets (since they have no proper trash service), no running down to the corner store for a candy bar and soda when you feel like it, having people stare at you constantly, having his family now run your lives, water service only during certain times of the day, little pay with expensive bills. These are just a few of the things that I experienced when I recently visited my husband's family. DON'T GO! Especially, don't subject your children to that. They won't be accepted well having grown up in America also, even if they are half Pakistani. I can't stress enough - DO NOT GO! Visit, see what it is like, but keep your passport in YOUR hands that entire time, and carry enough cash to get yourself out in an emergency. Also, leave your kids with someone you trust in America while you go to visit the first time. You won't be able to find the things you like to use here. Even thought they sell things like "Dove" shampoo, they aren't real. They are imposter materials inside the bottles. PLEASE PAY ATTENTION! If you could ever imagine hell, then you have imagined Pakistan.
tribetrotter wrote at 2008-04-16 20:02:15
"He keeps reassuring me he would never want a Greencard here, but also keeps telling me how miserable life is there."
Just you wait and see....He eventually will..If he wont, you yourself will want to come back asap after you have expereinced the heat (and no light..do you know what is "load shedding") and the dust and the class-consciousness and parasitism of the Pakistanis....But I dont blame them..They are a product...
Where majority of the people have to fight and struggle everyday for food and shelter, the worst in them comes out...Those who alreay have the power and the money, they know how to sustain it, by hook or by crook or by madrasahs or elections...
Once you get to that stage of discovery, by then your husband will be part of the package anyway...Some men just have long term strategies and take a bit longer to show their true colors...Or he might be being honest too but what about his "unconscious motivations."....Trust me, unconscious exists. So does God. But God made a law abiding universe. Cause and effect rule. Humans should discover those laws and live by them.
The meaning of life is becoming more mature, cognizant and conscious with time and effort and learning. But if there is no food and no good books and true teachers, the unconscious rules. That is today's Pakistan. Always waiting for Allah and foreign aid.
karat8 wrote at 2008-04-17 01:59:03
I tend to agree with the first writter whose identity is undisclosed. Life style is one thing, thinking is altogether a different thing. You can sacrifise on lifestyle for the sake of love but you certainly need to think a hundred times when there is a world of gap in ideas, apparantly very honest but some deep rooted problem somewhere (exceptions are there). There is no dearth of good women or men in Pakistan and there is no dearth of good men or women in USA. Think before you leap
zeena wrote at 2009-10-25 04:52:42
mashallah how allah has smiled on u to let u live in a muslim country. i know of what others are telling u but what do u want to go to heaven because u lived closes to what the our prophet did or live as the rich do and will have a hard time on the day of judgment day when asked what they do with their riches. sister think of how when u get there how u can be off grid use solar for light, cooking, heating and cooling. My pakistani husband and i would like someday to move back to pakistan and live like the amish but with solar for the power source. e-mail me anytime if u need to . u take care and enjoy the adventure. sallam for now
Rana Hayat wrote at 2009-11-13 08:51:59
I am born Pakistani and living in USA went back many many times. It is ok to go there and visit and travel but, would not recommend foreign born children to go live there, unless it's in the north part of Pakistan like Islam Abad. The health issues and water problems. My kids got sick every time they went there. You should make sure kids are atleast 12 years old. I recommend live close the medical facility atleast. As far trusting some one it's hard to tell not every on e is the same. There might be greed behind the marriage up to what % I can't tell.
Mohammad H Khan
Salman jutt wrote at 2010-06-22 21:21:26
Though conditions here are not or couldnt be that good and supporting but when what matters is trust and understaning ... these things can be managed very well just in some time .... its bad here but those who only say its bad and do nuthing to make some change ... there are good schools universities and colleges here ... i guess your kids can learn and study pretty good here and yes in furture after few years if you will ever want to go back you can when your kids will be mature and they can manage themselves and all ... wish you all the really very best for getting married ... may happiness love and peace prevails around you guys
Andhaira wrote at 2012-02-22 18:51:16
Hey there! :)
I am a Pakistani Muslim born and bred in Lahore, Pakistan. Your question is something many westerners have pondered and asked. The guy above me who answered was perhaps a bit too harsh, life is not that bad here at all. However, a lot of your experience depends on your and your husbands financial background/strength:
See, in Pakistan having money helps a LOT. Sure, that is true everywhere, but in Pakistan it is even more important for the following reasons:
-Good education is not free. The better the school, the more expensive it is. Now, the best schools are not THAT much expensive, but depending on how many kids you have, the expenses of books, uniform, fees, daily transportation costs (fuel etc) can add up pretty fast. And ofcourse, this is just high school education I am talking about. Colleges (the good ones) are even more expensive.
-Electricity. Now, the electricity situation only got bad at the very end of 2007, right about the time Benazir was assassinated. It is better now, but still there is power failure daily even in the big 3 cities (Lahore/Karachi/Islamabad) for a couple hours a day. The power companies try to mitigate this by having the light go out for an hour each time and spreading the number of times the light goes out over the day, so it is not that bad. Also, the better schools and most workplaces have huge generators that ensure lights are on at all times, and a-c's work during summer. (you cannot survive here in the summer without airconditioning btw, especially if you are from America where it snows and all. Trust me, you may be from the West Coast and think you know what hot weather feels like, but you don't. Your first summer in Pakistan will be brutal, because your body wont have adjusted to it.)Thing is though, if you are financially sound you will be able to afford a generator at home to keep the basics running (light for your kids to study and do homework, tv power, microwave power for cooking dinner, etc). If you don't have a generator at home, things can get annoying, but still survivable.
-Make sure you use a laptop for all internet browsing, due to the electricity situation. Buy laptops for your kids when they grow old enough to use them. Nothing is as annoying as having the light go out in the middle of a 1000 words paper for a young kid. ;) Luckily internet is pretty cheap, fast and dependable here, so you wont have any problems there.
-You do NOT have to wear a veil, at least not by law. Pakistan is a Muslim country true, but not an Arab country. Many young women here in Lahore wear tight, transparent shalwar kameez. Many also wear western outfits such as form fitting jeans. No one says anything to them in the streets or etc (except for horny guys like me asking them out and stuff ;) ) However, if your husband or your in laws or you yourself want to wear a burqa, that is something else entirely and you will have to figure things out regarding that on your own.
-If you are moving here, I STRONGLY suggest you move to one of the big 3 cities, preferably Lahore, because Lahore is extremely modern, has many western restaurants, branded clothing, services, etc, and you can buy many things that you could buy in America here (oreos for example). Plus the population is relatively well educated, almost everyone from rickshaw drivers to restaurant waiters can speak at least a smattering of english, and not in that retarded Indian way of speaking english too. ;)
-What is your ethnicity? Yes, it matters, a little, especially if you are a white blonde. If you are a blonde, expect to be stared at a LOT. Sure you will be stared at if you are a good looking lass, but if you are a blonde, that is magnified many times. The reason for that is that blonde women are very, very, very rare here. Most go their entire lives without seeing a blonde girl in the flesh. So seeing one in front of their eyes will be very attractive to people and they will want to look. If you are Pakistani by ethnicity, or Oriental Asian, expect no problems fitting in because we have plenty of the former (obviously) and some of the latter as well (China is right across the border you see, and is an important and popular ally)
Anyhow, hope this helps. Feel free to email me if you have any more questions. And keep in mind, you can always move back to America if you don't like it here (and yeah nothing wrong about that, Pakistan is not for everyone sadly). A better option and a compromise for you and your husband might be to move to Dubai. Your American citizenship will be very helpful for that. Dubai is really safe, secure, modern, and has people from all over the world there. Plenty of well paying job opportunities there too.
Lastly, no matter how much time you spend in Pakistan, here are a few things you MUST do to actually get a taste of Pakistani life/culture (and hey, have someone take pictures of you doing these things!):
-Take a long rickshaw ride.
-Take a 'tanga' ride
-Eat 'Nihari', at least once!
-Attend a Pakistani wedding, including mehndi/nikah, wedding, and walima.
-Visit a Pakistani run Beauty Parlor (important if you are a woman)
-Go shopping for shalwar kameez, and have them stitched according to your specifications.
Oh and here is a blog by a white American wife of a Pakistani dude, who visits Pakistan regularly that might help you:
Regards my sister!! :D
Maryame wrote at 2012-08-25 05:09:01
I am married to a Pakistani man. We have been together for years. We met in America (I am not Pakistani or American) anyway he is from Lahore. A part of me was very scared of going to Pakistan and to be honest my mother specially didn't want me to marry him because he is from Pakistan and one of her conditions to accept was that we stay in America of course we didn't. He lived in America for almost 15-20 years but I only lives in America for 6 years. So we eventually moved to Pakistan and I really Like it there.
I love their culture and I found myself adapting well to it. Relations there are really intimate you become friends with his siblings and his cousins. People can really interfere in you and this really influenced my husband for example he would tell me what to wear and what not to wear.... Sometimes he would comment on very silly things like j need o put a shawl like women there he says It is more respectful although this shawl usually doesn't cover the chest like he claims but I just get along with it. We do argue a lot but I think this is normal.
If you go there with your heart closed you will not like it.. You will complain abou electricity going on and off you will complain about people staring at you you will complain that there is no walmart you will complain about the streets you will almost complain about women rights etc.
However if you learn to embrace their culture and go there with an open heart you will love it. It is a country rich in culture. Their beautiful culture is reflected in their food, clothes, faces and everything.
As for the language you will not find any difficulty almost everyone I know speaks English including m sweet mother in law ( I have no idea how she speaks it). Their grammar is extremely hard I still don't get I right all the time...
It is now summer so I am staying with my family and I can tell you j mis Pakistan. :( but I miss my old life too I know I can never have it back but I know that this was my choice and my husband really helped m throughout this experience
Oh one last thing make sure if you want to live in Pakistan for good make sure to have a good certificate... Your English language would definitely help you land on a good job but a master's degree let's say would make it much easier...
And hugs and kisses to your kids
I don't like pakistan wrote at 2014-02-13 08:41:18
I am sorry to say, but I lived in Pakistan and I was ok with the electricity, the hot weather, etc.. what pushed me out and never ever want to return was the interference from the in-laws. I was subservient to my mother in law and the tradition was that anything that I needed, clothes, go to a dr. appt., was to ask my mother in law and not my husband. She was the queen of the house and what she said goes. I tried my best to follow the culture, but she tried to make things harder and harder, by always trying to find fault in me. I finally returned to america with my husband were we leave very happy. Ladies, this is the thing, family is very important in Pakistan, the most important person in the homw ia husband's Mother, then the Father, then the brother and sisters, nieces and nephews, and lastly the live in maid - the wife. Many women are judgemental - you have not idea how many times i was introduced to women who just stared at me up and down. I thought my smile and down to earth personality would help me win people over - wrong.