Panic Disorders/Attacks/bed time.
I'm having a problem that I have been having for years now. I'm 19 years old, and this all started when I was about fourteen, actually, according to my mother ever since third grade. Before bed I tend to think, I think a lot. What I think about could be anything. I think about everything, however, there are certain topics I come back too. It keeps me awake, and tends to give me very bad anxiety. Even if I'm thinking about good things, which isn't often, usually its things I worry about. But it could be either. I'm just not sure how to handle it. I use to smoke pot, and I'd get very bad anxiety just from smoking, whether it was day or night. I put a stop to that, but it still happens at night. Some topics that I do think about a night, just so you have examples, are my girlfriend. She's a great girl, I love her dearly, I've been dating her for almost seven months now. This isn't my first relationship, so I know how they go. This is different though because she has joined the navy, she gets out of boot camp in just a couple days. I worry about what can happen never seeing her, because I won't be. I worry about her leaving me and all that good stuff that goes with it. I also worry about me. I'm leaving for boot camp in November, and I'm very confident in myself. I know I can handle it. But thinking about it makes me very impatient, I want it to come now in a way just so I can get it over with. I also just think about the future a lot, whether it be good or bad. I'm not exactly sure why they add to my anxiety but they does. I think about everything, it all adds on to the things I worry about the most. The weird thing is, during the day I can sleep fine. It's almost like because its night time, I'm anticipating the next day, and makes me nervous, gives me anxiety. It gets to the point where I can't sit still and I have to get up and do something. I work hard to keep my sleeping schedule in check but it doesn't always work because of these attacks I get before bed. Other things I think about before I go to bed are whether I am a crazy person or not, haha. I think about how sometimes I show very strong symptoms of OCD, but other times not. I think about how I sometimes look to music, TV, license plates, movies, other people, signs, strange events that no one else notices but I do, as guides. Though I know that's crazy, and I know there's a name for that, and I'm completely aware that none of that can actually be too much of a guide for me. I honestly believe there are no signs, but for some reason I still look to all these things for help. I'm not really sure what to do about this. It makes getting up in the morning hard, makes me want to not exercise, and it makes me want to call out of work. Which I don't see as much of a problem because when I get to boot camp, I'm gonna be working all day. No excuses. I also wonder if I blame all my behaviors on anxiety, OCD, depression, whatever. Are those excuses so I can give myself a reason to behave the way I do? I don't think so. Maybe sometimes, but I don't know. This is all building up, and I'm sure you can't answer it all, but if you could answer some of it, and at least point me in the right direction to someone that could help, that would be great. Thank you very much.
I dont think I am the right person to be able to help you. However I would say to you, have you spoken to your doctor about perhaps Ocd or related or similar conditions. If not I would strongly recommend you do this. your writing does come across as someone who my have a condition like this and thats fine but you do need to know as this will help you with all these issues you are having. that would be your first step in discovering why you think and feel the way you do.
At your age life can be very complicated. i remember when i was your age and I had all sorts of crazy ideas. remember your body is developing and hormones etc are still going crazy, this an make life feel so much more stressful i know.
I have never been good at night time and I too end up with lots of thoughts going through my head at night time which can be very upsetting. the way round it is to make sure that you are tired at night time. Now I know this may sound a little obvious but seriously if your are mentally and physically tired and also relaxed then believe me you do sleep soooo much better and all these thoughts just don't have the time to grab you. So exercise your body and mind during the day and at night time after say 7pm stop all caffeinated drinks and stop playing computer games or watching anything which is likely to get your brain buzzing. Wind down and if possible take a long relaxing bath just before bedtime. All these thjings help to tell your body and your brain that its time to sleep and slow down.
once you start to sleep better, you will generally satrt to feel better all day and these anxieties etc will slowly beome less and less.
But as I say i really do think you need to speak to a doctor first to talk about the possibility of you suffering from something like OCD. After all knowledge is everything and without it you are unable to tackle what life throws at you.
good luck in your endeavors.
best wishes Kate