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About Debbie Preece
Expertise
Feeling like a frustrated parent? Learn how to get first-time obedience,cheerfully and happily from children 4-14. Designed for the easy use of Mom and the children keep it going. This Christian author has sold more than 4,000 copies of her remarkable system to thousands of battle-weary parents who are trying desperately to raise children that contribute to a happy family, better society and love of God. She has spoken to standing room only audiences that laugh and cry with her as she shares her insightful discovery of a unique parenting tool that she declares is a gift from God. http://parenting101.home.att.net/

Experience
One desperate night after a very trying day, while raising three children four years apart, Debbie found herself in "Shock" with the behavior of her children and frustrated with her parenting skills. Her home had become a Combat Zone and she was the prisoner! The "Golden Rule" wasn't working. It seemed the more she did for her children, the more selfish and demanding they became. Teaching internal values like integrity and honesty; as well as, happy mommy and family values, such as, children responding the first time happily and cheerfully were a ‘mission impossible’. The consistency factor on the parenting side was booby trapped by the troops all day long. That night, after holding up her flag of surrender, she sent an emergency S.O.S. to her commander in chief and a new battle plan was developed that virtually guaranteed her survival and that of her family. What resulted in 1983 was “The Happy Face Token System.” Her sigh of relief (AHH!) could be heard in the form of happy children responding with; "What can I do for you Mommy? May I set the table? You’re the BEST MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WORLD!" She had gained control of her family and a truce had been accepted with this most remarkable interactive parenting tool. Consistency was a built-in feature of this now “Kid Tested & Mother Approved” INTERACTIVE experience. .

Publications
From Combat Zone to Love at Home (book)
http://floridabestmom.com http://happyfacetokens.home.att.net

You are here: Experts > Parenting/Family > Parenting of K-6 Children > Parenting K-6 Kids > My 6 yrs old-consistent leadership

Parenting K-6 Kids - My 6 yrs old-consistent leadership

Expert: Debbie Preece - 10/2/2008

Question
QUESTION: My six yrs old son's behaviour is beyond my control at times. He never listens to me or obeys even the smallest instructions when asked for the first time. My husband has to be out of town most of the time, so it is almost as if I am a single parent. Even his teachers have started complaining about his behaviour. He is sure to do those things which we ask him not to do. He bullies or hits his peers most of the times. If they do not follow his instructions, he does not play with them at all.

ANSWER: Hi Vinita,
It sounds like you have a problem that needs addressing NOW! I guess the first thing that comes to mind is have you had these issues in the past or has it just happened? What are your rules and expectations? What kind of discipline do you use? Please help me with these questions and I can more directly answer your questions.
Debbie
http://happyfacetokens.home.att.net

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Yes, I also feel that the problem needs urgent attention. The problem of not listening or obeying is not very old. He used to be a very quiet child in school, but for past few months he talks a lot and does not remain silent even after repeated instructions by the teacher.
I just want him to be a bit polite and courteous.In our Indian custom we have to touch our elders feet whenever we meet them(as you say Hello). But after a lot of effort and cajoling he does not do that. This is just one example.
I prefer talking to him than being very strict.
I live with my mom-in-law and I have a job also.So, usually he is not all alone at home when I'm away. At times I feel that he deliberately does certain things that he knows I do not like. Is it because he wants to express his anger or dissatisfaction with something? I try and spend as much time as I can with him.

Answer
when children start school they find other behaviors that seem to get attention or work for others. Often it is mimicking of what they see to determine if it works in their world at home. Calling him on bad behavior is good and a time out would be helpful to enforce it. However, it is my opinion that time outs are probably not as effective as they might be for younger children.

Your child needs your direction and though you feel you don't like being strict, evaluation of that term could use some attention.
If you do what you say you will do if he does "it" again then you are parenting consistently and in a leadership role. Cajoling and reasoning doesn't accomplish much with young children because understandings of meanings get tangled in their minds. For instance: I watched a father and 5 year old son eat breakfast together. The father drank his coffee and the child, dressed as Spiderman, was eating his pancakes and syrup. The father noticed that the boy was getting everything sticky and rebuked the boy for not being careful. The "Spiderman child" said, "Dad, I have to be sticky,Spiderman sticks to everything!"

The Happy Face Token System would be very successful for you and your child. He could earn tokens when he shows respect as you need him to or following instructions and expected behavior happily and cheerfully. This program has built in consistency and is something that grandma can use as well. I guarantee that the program will work as I describe it on my web site within 30 days or you may get a full refund. I do have an all expert discount available if you want to visit my web site and look for it.

Children understand this system quickly and want to do it. I used it for over 12 years in my home with three children.

Good luck, Debbie

If you mean strict as in abusive then you are correct in your thinking. That is not good.

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