AboutMaryAnn F. Kohl Expertise Art for children and how to bring creative art into your home... easily... without too much mess.
Experience Former teacher, now an author of books about art since 1985... writing my twentieth book now... all my books are about creative art experiences using materials found commonly in the home.
Publications Parenting, Fisher Price, Scholastic, Donna's Day, Disney, and others
Question Our son has suddenly started being disrespectful at school to teachers, staff and friends. We admit that we have never been the most strict parents but we have also never displayed or tolerated this kind of behavior. We've been working on him for about 3 weeks, taking privileges away and voicing our expectations.
His actions include getting up in class, smart-mouthing, blaming others for his reactions and generally not following school rules.
We really want to get a handle on this before he goes to middle school and before it gets worse. We feel that his future depends on getting him back on track.
Thanks.
Answer Hello, Lisa.
My expertise is in ART, not in behavior, but I will give you my "former teacher"/parent opinion, if you'd like.
First, try to think of anything that coincided with this change in behavior. Did a sibling suddenly get lots of attention for something new or for being singled out for exceptional ability? Did a family member pass away? Did a best friend drop him? Did a teacher treat him unfairly or become tough on him to bring about better academic achievement? New pressures of any kind? Arguing at home? Try to think...something may have spurred this behavior.
And once this behavior starts, some kids kind of like being tough and getting all that attention, especially at the age of 5th grade. They can feel "cool" receiving negative attention and other kids looking up to them as rebellious.
But something is wrong.
I would talk to the teacher about having you the family and the teacher both reacting the same way, with identical consequences and reactions. That way, he will receive the same responses and that will help keep things clear. Also, everyone must "choose their battles" of what is worth responding to, and what is worth letting slide. Kids at this age need a little "wiggle room" for having a little attitude...it's part of separation and growing up. But out and out extremely rude behavior, or highly disrespectful behavior, is not okay. But a little slide room is allowed.
I suggest again that you and the teacher get together right away to discuss things. And then, next, include your son in a discussion of what your expectations are, find out what his are, and see if you can bring them together (compromise a little).
I would also pick up a book on parenting unruly teens -- there are lots of them out there. I'm sorry I don't have a specific one to recommend.
Because I am not trained in behavioral issues, I can only offer my opinion and perhaps the courage to move forward. Whatever you do is a sign that you love and care for him, and he will know this. I believe something happened to change his behavior suddenly, and it would be important to try to figure out what.
Best of luck, I hope you find an expert with more knowledge than I!
