AboutLeslie Truex Expertise I am a parent of two, but also I'm a social worker with over 15 year experience working with children and families. I can provide many tips and techniques to help with child behavior, interventions for specific behavioral issues, ideas to help children through difficult times such as divorce or grief, hints on keeping the family running smoothly, and tips for developing confident, happy children.
Experience I have a master's in social work and over 15 years experience working with children and families. I have worked in schools, public health, mental health and adoption agencies providing parent education courses and children's groups.
Expert: Leslie Truex Date: 5/21/2008 Subject: disobedient 4 year old with no sense of control
Question hi. i am a mother of 3 with another one on the way. (a four year old, a 2 year old, and a nine month old.) my oldest, 4 year old girl, has total tyrant behavior. not only does it effect me and my husband, but my other two as well. my 2 year old is learning everything about whining and crying from her. his disposition is outrageously great and comical, but within the past 2 months, he is absorbing all of her behaviors. she as well had a fabulous naturally calm dispostion, but where did i go wrong? i made sure the others didnt get more attention then her. i have time with her where we sit down and do things, and i am finding myself constantly catering to her only because i dont want the other children to keep picking up her attitude. she wants to control everything.she will not share and takes things away. she does nothing but cry and scream while in a time out, but yet she understands why she is there. at times when she is very angry, she may smack my 2 year old. i am constantly being a mediator which i know is part of parenting, but she is overwhelming me to the point where i find myself just sitting on my bed at night crying to my husband. both him and i carry out the same punishments and time outs and taking things away for behaving badly. we make sure we are persistent and constant with our rules. at night she wakes up 4 to 6 times for a cup of milk, or this or that. and if she doesnt get it all hell breaks loose and the whole house is woken up. she will blatantly scream at my husband if he tries to help her at night or ask her what she needs. so he is out of the question for the nighttime help. my other 2 sleep through the night with no problems except for when she wakes them up with her tantrums. i am getting noooooooooo sleep and on the verge of losing it!!!!!! any time i say no to something that may not be reasonable at the time, i let her scream and cry it out, and i never give in to her.(except for a hundred cups of milk when everyone is sleeping)i watch nanny 911 all the time and practice alot of techniques i see. i always hug and discuss the time out afterwards. i always give warnings before a time out is coming. i always say beforehand what we will be doing or where we are going and what will happen. to no avail with it all...as i speak her tongue just sticks out at me as she says, "boring".....she is still dominating the days activities and everybody's mindset. we cannot go out to eat or anywhere that would be a calm surrounding.we dont have company because we are afraid she may act this way and it is embarrassing as all ....her peresonality is too strong for all of us to handle and im very very afraid this will lead to massive behavior problems and acting out as she gets older. i need to stop this now!!!!!!!! and i dont know what else is left for me to do other than child therapy. is that the case here? i am all about going for help because i believe in the third person who is removed and can see clearer. but what are the answers. please please help me
Answer Hi Michael,
Your situation is difficult for me to assess without seeing you and your child together. While you've worked hard to provide rules and consequences, clearly she's learned that she can get away with stuff (ie milk at night).
There are a couple of things to consider. One is: Are your consequences compelling (does your child care when she loses her privileges?). That's an important ingredient. If she doesn't care about not watching tv (or whatever the consequence is), it won't deter her behavior.
Also, my rule for time out is that time starts when she's sitting quietly and if there is crying or talking, the timer starts over. This can result in very long time outs initially, but will shorten and become easier if you stick to your guns.
I'm not familiar with Nanny 911 although I do like Supernanny. But even so, seeing something and being able to implement it isn't easy. For that reason, I'm going to suggest that you see a counselor who specializes in family issues. This person will be able to assess your family and child specifically and determine the best interventions for you, as well as provide support as when the rules change, your child's behavior will escalate at first.
The longer this goes on, the harder it will be change and will likely make school difficult as well, so the sooner you can get some help the better.
