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About Evelyn Petersen
Expertise
I`ve been a weekly parenting columnist for the Knight Ridder papers for 18 years and have answered hundreds of parent questions on at least 200 different topics, most of which related to educational, behavioral and family issues. I`m also a mom, grandmom and author of 7 parenting books. My advice is practical, direct, and positive.

Experience
My experience as a mother and grandmother is just as important as my 40 years in the field of education. My degrees are in Child and Family Life and Education. I've taught in settings from preschool centers to family homes, and from private and public schools to college classrooms. I'm also an active consultant for Head Start and other early childhood programs.

Organizations
National Assn. for the Education of Young Children
Assn. for Childhood Education International
National Federation of Press Women

Publications
Weekkly parenting columns in the Knight Ridder papers and Wire Service from 1984 to present
Author of eight books: "A Practical Guide to Early Childhood Planning" and "A Practical Guide to Early Childhood Curriculum, Second Ed" Allyn & Bacon; "Growing Happy Kids", "Growing Creative Kids", "Growing Thinking Kids", and "Growing Responsible Kids" McGraw-Hill/Totline imprint; "1,2,3, Blocks" McGraw-Hill/Totline imprint; and "Sams Teach Yourself e-Parenting Today" Macmillan USA. My writing also appears in the Nashville Tennessean, on women.com and on tnpc.com (The National Parenting Center)as well as on my own web site (www.askevelyn.com)and other link-related sites. I am also a regular feature writer for "Children and Families" magazine.

Education/Credentials
BA Child Development/Family Life; Purdue University
MA Education (early ed priority); Central Mich. University

Awards and Honors
Honored by the Michigan State Legislature and the Michigan Childrens' Trust Fund for the Prevention of Child Abuse for writing that helps to promote positive parenting skills. Winner of several Press Women Awards for various columns. Winner of Parents' Choice Recommended Award for the book "Growing Responsible Kids".

You are here: Experts > Parenting/Family > Parenting of K-6 Children > Parenting K-6 Kids > cleaning up

Parenting K-6 Kids - cleaning up

Expert: Evelyn Petersen - 10/31/2009

Question
My son goes from one thing to another without cleaning up after himself. I frequently stop him from what he is doing to clean up something, throw something away, put something away, turn something off, close something, etc...I'm tired of nagging, how can I help him to understand expectations and reduce my frustration level?

Answer
Dear Ken,
I don't know how old your son is, or how long he has had these bad habits. But one thing's for sure, you must address this and put a stop to it now, in his own best interests as well as yours. If he is a preschooler, the balance of structure and freedom within limits in a good preschool, like a Head Start program, would help you tremendously. If he is in school already, maybe you need to have him referred for testing in case he has a special needs problem with focus and attention. Be sure his is okay physically and has no hearing or vision problems!! Then when you are sure there is no physical problem, work with him on changing these bad habits.

He needs to be motivated to make changes, like any of us would. We are willing to make changs in our behavior when we see that something good will come of our effort. What is important to him...what does he love to do? The things he likes can and should be rewards for his effort to try to change some of these habits. Praise him and reward him with your attention or little things he loves for ANY improvement.

Don't try to do EVERYthing at once. Start small and work on one thing at a time. Maybe you could make a contract with him if he is 7 or 8 and can understand what a cantract is. Here is one example. If he remembers to put away each thing he uses between the hours of 4 pm and 8 pm he can get a gold star on the calendar. When he earns 3 stars he can have a reward.

Also make your rules or expectations VERY clear to him. Sit down and talk about this and make a list. Print out the list and put it up on the refrigerator. If he is preschooler age he should have a short list...maybe only three things or tasks. When he gets really successful at these tasks you could add a couple more if needed. Older children could have a list of 5-6 things to do...use the same method.

You can also put up small signs or posters as reminders in places where he needs these reminders. eg in the bathroom, make a picture with a few words that tell him to wash his hands or hang up the towel. In the bedroom or playroom he will need bins or boxes for his toys and these boxes or bins need to be labeled with pictures and words for what goes inside. Put another sign up by the place he needs to put dirty clothes or hang up his coat. Praise him for using these visual cues to do better and to cahange his behavior.

Try to find the book by Elizabeth Crary (Parenting Press, Inc, Seattle WA about $12) called "Pick Up Your Socks...and Other Skills Growing Children Need!" It may stil be in print and is an EXCELLENT guide for this problem. Check with your library, the publisher, and amazon.com Stay positive and consistent and keep on praising all his efforts. Evelyn www.askevelyn.com

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