| |
You are here: Experts > Parenting/Family > Parenting of K-6 Children > Parenting K-6 Kids > A twist in the question about difficult behaviour in my 5 year old daugher
Parenting K-6 Kids - A twist in the question about difficult behaviour in my 5 year old daugher
Expert: Leslie Truex - 10/28/2009
Question
Hello ... i read your answer to another parent regarding their daughter and her difficult behaviour and i would say that i do a lot of what you suggested with the ignoring the tantrum, removing temporarily a beloved object, toy, time out and only one chance to correct behaviour ...further to this ...my daughter is very manipulative and smart, she is looked after by her grandparents when she is not in Junior Kindergarten as both my husband and I work. She is very spoiled there and gets her way in everything. We do not condone this and it is not allowed to happen at home ...so she gets mixed signals all the time ... she is mean to her older brother and says things very cruelly and flies into a tantrum and crying when she does not get her own way. She argues continually with her brother and he usually backs down or goes to his room to escape her (he is 7) ... I am worried her acid like personality will drive away any chance of friends at school and I worry about what she will be like as a teenager. Is there any hope to get her back on tract of developing into a sensitive, caring child ? i feel a lot of trouble is in for us in the future.
Answer
Hi Kelly,
I feel that kids can change their behavior, but they won't do it by themselves. She has developed a way of interacting that is currently working for her. What you need to do is make it not work.
It would be helpful to get the grandparents on board and if not, consider another day care setting. Then you need to set clear rules. For example, it isn't right that the brother is going to his room to escape her. The message he's getting is either that you're powerless or don't care enough to advocate on his behalf. So instead of his going to his room, the consequence should be on her (although it may not be going to her room unless you remove her toys and such...time out should be boring).
You need to be clear with her on the behavior you expect, as well as clear on the consequences she will experience if she doesn't behave. Those consequences need to be compelling to her. If she doesn't mind losing her toys, then it shouldn't be that.
Finally, kids like this often only get negative attention so it becomes a cycle of annoyance and frustration for you. So you need to make sure that you create positive interaction with her. This can improve her behavior significantly. Take 15-20 minutes a day to play with her. This isn't homework time. Its a time in which you join her world, playing her game. She directs the play although she does need to be fair and respectful. This will build her self esteem and allow you insight into how she experiences the world.
It might help to take a parent education class where you can get more techniques to try to find the ones that will work. There are some good parenting books as well as as 1-2-3 Magic or How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk.
Leslie Truex
Add to this Answer Ask a Question
|
|
