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Parenting K-6 Kids/Caught 9yo son having sex with 19yo cousin

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diaperbaglady wrote at 2011-06-12 22:14:46
Kudos to Leslie Truex for a fantastic answer to a difficult and disturbing question. It is very obvious this family needs some serious help/counseling surrounding this issue, and I hope that they get it.  


Joshua wrote at 2011-06-13 05:34:44
Leslie, I respect your claimed length of experiences in the social

services field. However I don't appreciate your perpetuation of popular misconceptions of childhood sexuality. Children do not need to be protected from sexuality, this has been proven by many dedicated objective researchers. Kinsey being a forerunner. It seems that religion (with no biblical justification) has been the catalyst for sexual oppression of children, with even barbaric masturbation restraints in the last 100 years!



Your reference to millions of victims is hyperbole. Have you considered that people have problems in their life where heath professionals look for and incorrectly blame their childhood sexual experiences? My wife was brought up in a very conservative household and had vaginusmus (we couldn't have sexual intercourse for just over a year). The doctors we saw asked if she had been "abused" as a child. She hadn't, quite the opposite she had been sexually oppressed. Had she encountered some sexual pleasure with another in her childhood, that would have been implicated by the doctor without a second thought!



You said that Jouvinile prisons are filled with teenage sex offenders, this point doesn't support your premise. It definitely means there are horney teenagers without any discipline to control themselves. I don't discount that rape of a child by such an offender would be scary.



My upbringing was quite sexually liberated. I in fact had two sexual encounters, one with a peer and one with a much older teenager. I enjoyed both encounters and have not been adversely affected. My parents were firm enough to disallow me from having sex at a young age to teach me self control as it were. I have experiences and read of a different world to what the consensus perpetuate.



I would imagine that your profession is symptomatic of your view on these matters. You are only called upon when there is cause for concern. When parents have noticed problems. When a child has been raped. Or even not, they may have enjoyed it, but are treated like it should be a trauma. (Like rushing to pick up a child when they bump their knee). You very well may be isolated to view these issues from a negative and small subset of cases.



To report my incident to the police would be very traumatic for everyone involved, including myself, my wife, my niece and my son. People in our wider circle of acquaintances would learn of the incident, and due to the popular and unjustified hysteria over such events, there would be further guilt and shame incurred.



I don't condone what has happened, but I don't run my life by the T.V. I welcome your comments and concern about my son and the possibility of him searching for more sexual encounters. I will transform our study into another bedroom so my 9yo son can have his own room. And most definitely he will not have any girls sleeping in his room anymore.


Karianne wrote at 2012-08-20 22:51:33
Hi! I just wanted to let you know that I think you handled the problem very effectively. I also really appreciate how you are teaching your children about sex, and that masterbation is okay in your house. I feel that you are doing an excellent job as a parent when teaching your kids about a previously tabooed subject.  


Ken wrote at 2012-08-26 21:42:31
John,

Leslie is very right. Kids before 17 years are not expected to have sex. You are making a big mistake. Forget about what has been written,not every writer is mentally well and balanced.

Ken


Emily wrote at 2012-10-18 13:14:15
John,



You bring up a man named, Kinsey. Please note that his practices has also included child molestation and incest. He would pay fathers to force their children to orgasm, and then time them. Some of these grown children are now speaking out about how it has damaged them both as children and as adults. It sounds as if you already have your opinions about what has happened to your child, whether it is right or wrong, and am not willing to change them.  


DPM68 wrote at 2013-01-07 15:17:13
You said your wife was not sexually abused. Her father fondling her IS SEXUAL ABUSE!! For you to be aroused by seeing your niece and son have oral sex is sick, he's your little boy! YOU NEED HELP!!


DF2013 wrote at 2013-04-18 03:28:08
I think this story is fake. The reason is because you first stated that your wife's father used to fondle her and the you state that she was never molested. Your word were that she was sexually oppressed. So with is it? Either she was or was not.  


nosweq wrote at 2013-06-23 18:12:50
..joe..

to start, please ignore any of those commentators who come here just to do the monkey dance. they are a sad, lowly nut job sext of society who like to pretend they know anything outside of the back of a cereal box. they are the borg, their thoughts are not their own. nothing else.





second.. I wanted to say you handled your situation very well.

and with such mercy to the 19 old niece!

if you do not know already, you have a virtuous streak in you, and I am honored to be speaking to you sir(I never say or think this 99.99 percent of the time about humans)



as for your son..

what people like that first borg who commented to you fail to realize like most of everything in their lives is that life isn't some public-arena sitcom where people prey on eachother all the time and the noose is a social thing.

kids have wants to- and often these highly unlearned ''adults'' who an barely manage themselves take a look at kids and make one more erroneous decision, just one more nail in the coffin.



and wonder why they end up with a screwed up kid. let me say that again..

kids have needs. they have wants, they are and always have been a lot more than sheep society gives them credit for and the heartbreak does not begin with child sex.. it begins because the adults in question are unable to deal with reality, potentially reproducing the same effect in their kids.



simple examples can be had-

my mother was for a long time a smoker even while I was in the womb, my dad was and is a little too much of a drinker.

theres a part of me with a curiosity about smoking I don't want, there is a part of me that would like to drink and then not stop, which I never give into.





these are REAL bad traits, things that my parents weren't smart enough to drop and so its carried over to their next generation, albeit in a diluted form(thank god)



..sex however, is in every human being and without it we all wouldn't be here without something so crucial.

it begs questions like 'what are the long term damages of raising my child in loneliness and isolation from the choice of basic human contact'



'how will my child learn to treat him/herself and others if the first thing I teach them when sex comes up is to hate them and their selves'





but being so blind, the adult who punishes their child like this by not even planning over these questions ends up with a typical, ''wonderful' adult doomed to repeat their mistakes. a dysfunctional self hating human hunting drone so deep into it that they will believe to death that right is skewed, four dimensional is 2-d and cruelty is good, the error compounding into errors over time who will give basic humanities neither to themselves or their fammilys if they should ''dare break the sandcastle moral bubble' that was damned on them and now they keep building themselves.





what does my child want.

a first grader could guarantee that not only have a lot of these ner do well parents never have been considerate to their own family to ask this-



they don't know how!

because of someone before them!

what then is so good about teaching everybody to once again hate a defenseless part of humanity, to build bricks around everything high as can be until all this crashes right back on them and us?



nothing.

jail has never been a good thing, and in reality you can try to repress and ruin something all you want because you don't know any better.

but nothing good comes out of it-





meaning that like letting the elite get away with this which is the real problem while public attention is drawn on persecuting their own even for one dimensional drawings of things not real with people that don't exist-





not only will children never stop being curious about something only you can teach them better than the school prison system you are thinking of handing them to, people with the desire to have a child as a partner will always be around too so then its just a question in the end if you will repress them and create a powder keg society where rape will happen since like everything, life finds a way.







ignoring what your child- not just YOU want- is a mistake of ignorance.

and, if some people aren't smart enough to understand/attempt to understand that...

then mabey its a good idea they do not have kids,since after all what is the point of teaching your offspring to repeat your mistakes.





nothing.



you did everything right joe, even if there were further better steps to handle your SONS situation- not just yours, which you had enough clemency and mercy in yourself to see through the right way.



god bless your whole family sir.




Tellmeyourfantasy wrote at 2016-04-16 11:11:56
That's pretty hot, I do not see why it's a problem for your niece to make your son cum. Help them have sex. Teach him that it's normal to be sexual. Also help them both experience an orgasm. Show him how to cum inside of her.  


ARC, Teenage Psychology and Sociology wrote at 2016-11-20 23:41:30
I know this thread is very old, but would like to add some information that may be important concerning your now 14(?)yo son. If he truly asked for her to give him oral sex, or any type of sex, there is little stopping him from asking a classmate or other family member to do a similar act, especially because he said he enjoyed it. Don't limit him to just girls either, if he sought sexual release and allowed a family member to give it to him, he could ask his brother or friend. You should (or should've), if you haven't already, have a serious talk about incest  and what you would do if he contracted a disease or got someone pregnant.


Parenting K-6 Kids

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Leslie Truex

Expertise

I am a parent of two, but also I'm a social worker with over 15 year experience working with children and families. I can provide many tips and techniques to help with child behavior, interventions for specific behavioral issues, ideas to help children through difficult times such as divorce or grief, hints on keeping the family running smoothly, and tips for developing confident, happy children.

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I have a master's in social work and over 15 years experience working with children and families. I have worked in schools, public health, mental health and adoption agencies providing parent education courses and children's groups.

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BA in Psychology and MSW.

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