Parenting K-6 Kids/10 years old

Advertisement


Question
My 10 years old son is enough smart. he is also in the range of 90% in school. but in parents absence, he continues to see TV.& always forced me to sit late at night to complete homework. when I talk to him, he always accepts his mistakes & promise to behave in proper manner. but next day continues to do as he want i.e. watch TV. If we fired him, he shows negative effect. we both are working. so we have to take studies in limited time. So confused how to tackle.

Answer
Hi Ketaki,
Children know how to beat the system.  They are very good at getting what they want.  He knows you are tired and are gone all the time.  He is using your guilt from being away from him to get what he wants. It's time to tackle the problem and go "From Combat Zone to Love at Home," with the Happy Face Token System. Children have generally been conditioned to respond "after the third time," then they know they are really in trouble. I had child who used temper tantrums to get at me when she didn't want to do what I asked.  So out of total frustration, I developed a parenting app that turned out to be quite remarkable.  

The child could earn tokens #made from paper with a happy face on it# or purchase some gold plastic coins.  These tokens are worth more than money because they have unlimited purchasing power.  Children earn tokens by performing tasks, behaviors, family rules and personal achievement goals when asked, the first time, happily and cheerfully as they contribute to a happy family environment.  How many tokens do they get?  However many you feel at the time he does what you ask.  As he gains the tokens, he realizes that he can cash them in for something on the reward list.  This is a list that comprises all the things he likes to do in a day, or doesn't like to do.  For instance: If he likes to watch TV, then a time limit for TV could be earned with tokens.  If he doesn't like to do homework right after school, he could earn a homework pass to do it an hour later.  The leverage is that you determine how quickly or slowly he earns the tokens and if he doesn't respond to your requests and rules, happily and cheerfully, the first time asked, he loses tokens he already has.
So, you could determine family rules, have him repeat them so he is accountable, then describe how he earns tokens and help him determine the things he wants to earn.  You can direct him to the things that he really likes, but in essence, drive you nuts because he does it anyway.  Then start the program.  I called it The Happy Face Token System, because I didn't have a happy face, nor did the children and that's what I hoped to accomplish.

It was a miracle program.  It was long-term and adaptable as the child grew.  I knew it worked within 2 weeks, when this child put her arms around me and thanked me for the happy faces and told me I was the best Mom in the whole world!  We used this program for over 10 years in our home.

I sell a digital book for download that gives step-by-step "mission" directives while in the Combat Zone at home, until you finally arrive at the
Mission Accomplished zone of Love at home.  I guarantee this program for 30 days.  Please visit my web site for more information.  I am offering a discount for a limited time if you download from my web page.  It is at the following page:
http://foxholeparenting.com

  Good luck, Debbie Preece

Parenting K-6 Kids

All Answers


Answers by Expert:


Ask Experts

Volunteer


Debbie Preece

Expertise

As a frustrated mom with high-strung and strong-willed children, I began feeling the extraordinary pressure of raising children. I had lost the joy in Motherhood. I realized I didn't have the coping skills or the tools necessary to be a happy mommy, but rather felt I was in the Combat Zone with missiles of sarcasm and anti-mom protests falling all around me! I was ready to call it quits when out of frustrated desperation, I knelt in prayer to ask for help one last time. What resulted was a life-changing experience that brought happy faces to all in the family. I began feeling success in raising my children and joy in Motherhood. Within two weeks, they began calling me: The best Mom in the whole world! After all the children were raised, I wrote From Combat Zone to Love at Home: The Happy Face Token System. This is a Kid-Tested, Mom-Approved discipline, self-motivation, and character development family program that has helped frustrated parents worldwide for 25 years. I call it the ultimate parenting survival manual for frustrated parents and it comes with a parenting survival kit CD with print ready charts as well as a parenting class that discusses the book and program. http://strongwilledchildren.com

Experience

As I made beds and fixed meals for the most wonderful family in the whole world, I honestly expected the "golden rule" to work. I fully expected the children to say, thanks for making my bed, what can I do for you?! Instead, it seemed to create a combat zone of thoughtless, selfish and demanding children. Who were these insurgents infiltrating my happy mother domicile? What was I doing wrong? I wanted to find my foxhole and hide. After heavenly intervention, The Happy Face Token System resulted in 1983. It was a new battle plan that virtually guaranteed my survival and that of my family. This simple, but counterintuitive family plan seemed to work as I needed it to, according to my moods, while providing a built-in consistency factor. Within two weeks,a truce had been accepted as the children gave willing, first-time compliance with this most remarkable interactive parenting tool. Happy children responded with; "What can I do for you Mommy? May I set the table? You’re the BEST MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WORLD!" http://combatmom.com http://biblebasedparenting101.com

Organizations
Cub Scouts, church groups, community service, has served as a Brownie and Girl Scout leader. http://strongwilledchildren.com

Publications
Amazon.com review: "When I read in the book that Debbie's children would say things like, "You're the best Mommy in the whole world!" I, quite frankly, did not believe that would EVER happen for me. Well, I was definitely wrong. It has happened many times already and I look forward to many more!I'm more relaxed in my roles and duty as Mama and have begun to truly love being a Mom! I'm a homeschooling Mama, too... and I no longer desire time alone as I used to. I would prefer to be among my children than anywhere else I can think of! This is probably not completely a result of the book, but the book and the principles I have applied from it with my children are certainly helping me make quantum leaps in my own development and in teaching/character training of my children! Tori F 5.0 out of 5 stars Risk Free Way to Peace, September 19, 2011 By WomanNShoe - See all my reviews This review is from: From Combat Zone to Love At Home: The Happy Face Token System (Paperback) We really loved using the token system and it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm the mom of 7 with 6 children still living at home. This system has been a huge blessing in curbing arguments and slothfulness. The earning of tokens help children work towards a goal and feel a sense of accomplishment by achievement. We used poker chips with each color representing a different value. There is a list posted on our family bulletin board with some of the redemption rewards and their token values. Now for Easter egg hunts, the children ask if we can hunt for tokens instead of candy. It's also very helpful in our homeschooling memorization. Tokens are earned for certain goals reached. With a risk-free guarantee, I don't know why anybody wouldn't try it. Consistency is the key. Thanks so much for helping keep peace in our home!! :)

Education/Credentials
REVIEW: If we are to take the Lord God as our model in raising children, then the implication is that we should also provide appropriate rewards. I have never wanted to "bribe" our children into compliance, so I found the following excerpt from Debbie Preece's book very interesting: She notes that: ". . . according to Webster's Dictionary a bribe is: 'Anything especially money-given or promised to induce a person to do something illegal or wrong.' . . . Webster's defines a blessing as, 'The gift of divine favor. Anything that gives happiness or prevents misfortune.' This book is packed with fun ideas like "The Slothful Servant Quarantine," as well as practical charts and ideas. Altogether a very valuable resource to aid you in child training and setting up and enforcing chores. Lorrie Flem, Editor of TEACH Magazine. author's note: The SLOTHFUL SERVANT ROOM QUARANTINE is designed for ages 8-18. This provides a simple and effective way to get children to clean their rooms to your specifics. They can't use the room until the QUARANTINE is taken down by you. Psychologists refer to this type of reward system as "A Token Economy" or tokenomics as I like to say. It provides a positive, happy experience for compliance and a negative experience, that of losing tokens, when ignored. I like to call it raising children with the "Economy of Heaven!"

Awards and Honors
HAPPY PARENT AWARD EDUCATIONAL CLEARING HOUSE "With From Combat Zone To Love At Home, the weight is off of your shoulders, because the program sets the rules of the game in place." OUTSTANDING PRODUCT FOR OUTSTANDING RESULTS."For very little out of the pocket expense, you can gain some order and peace in your home. All of the charts, tokens etc. are all included in the book... Full instructions are included on the tape, she walks you thru it, in its entirety." Lorrie Flem, Editor of TEACH Magazine:Chore and Behavior Systems-SUPERIOR PRODUCT RATING "I have long been engrossed in trying to find the perfect chore and behavior system for my family to use. This illusive system must be easy to implement, inexpensive, appealing to mother and children, and of course, effective. FROM COMBAT ZONE TO LOVE AT HOME is one of my favorites."

Past/Present Clients
I am LOVING From Combat Zone to Love at Home! We have begun to implement it & are awe-struck by the results we're already receiving. My almost-9-year-old son is motivated toward goals (of wii time, in particular) like never before, and we love the idea of blessing our kids rather than always "being on them." Where Accountable Kids failed us, though, this fills in the gap. Where Celebrate Calm gave us the guilt about our yelling voices, you gave us the solution to move from that to blessings. Sheesh, I cannot say enough about the system's effect on our family. Lisa REVIEW:We really loved using the token system and it couldn't have come at a better time. I'm the mom of 7 with 6 children still living at home. This system has been a huge blessing in curbing arguments and slothfulness. With a risk-free guarantee, I don't know why anybody wouldn't try it. Try using plastic gold or multi-colored coins for tokens. They are fun and sold at her store. REVIEW: I've just begun listening to your seminar and also reading your book about your Wonderful system. My spirit quickened when you talked about the analogy of the Garden of Eden. I'm excited to think that perhaps I've found system that might actually work! I too have tried everything I can think of to achieve the results you talk about. JM,OK REVIEW:At first I wasn't sure I needed this book, but it turns out this book teaches me to mimic the Economy of Heaven in dealing with my children and, by so doing, enjoy consistently good behavior in my children whose behavior will spring from happy hearts! This book IS and has been a heaven-sent gift to me. It has blessed me in my Motherhood... and my life!!! I'm so very thankful!!! VF-FL

©2016 About.com. All rights reserved.