Parenting K-6 Kids/kissing


My nephew is now 9 years old. When he was six my child who is now 6 was 2. My nephew would remove my child's diaper and try to stick toys down there. Before anything could happen I stopped them. I talked to my sister in law about this and she found out the 6yr old was being messed with by her nephew on her side. She stopped all communication with them. We thought it was over and he would forget. Well, now my son just turned 6 and nephew is 9 and my son is telling me that the 9 yr. old showed him how to french kiss. He said that the 9 year old like to play house and they are supposed to kiss. Luckily my son talks to me and tells me these things. But I am worried. Is my 6 year old telling me everything or could other things be going on that I'm not aware of. I have stopped him from going back over there and the 9 yr old is not allowed back over here. What else can be done if anything?

Hi Melissa,
These situations are difficult because children (particularly 6 year olds) are very interested in bodily functions. It has nothing to do with sex. However, children who are the victims of inappropriate sexual contact will often act out what they've experienced. The challenge is sometimes knowing the difference.

I would suggest that your son always be supervised when he's with the cousin. I'd also be clear to your son that he's not to do these same activities with others. There are children's books that discuss good touch/bad touch which can help you teach your son what's ok and what to do if someone touches him.

What's really important is for you to stay calm. Again, at this point it doesn't sound like your son feels victimized. So simply let him know that you don't kiss or put things in your pants in the same way you explain to them that they can't pick their nose.

Finally, is the cousin's mother adequately protecting her son? If not, you need to do something. You can contact social services or talk with his mother about getting him counseling (he was abused and should have help).

Leslie Truex, MSW

Parenting K-6 Kids

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Leslie Truex


I am a parent of two, but also I'm a social worker with over 15 year experience working with children and families. I can provide many tips and techniques to help with child behavior, interventions for specific behavioral issues, ideas to help children through difficult times such as divorce or grief, hints on keeping the family running smoothly, and tips for developing confident, happy children.


I have a master's in social work and over 15 years experience working with children and families. I have worked in schools, public health, mental health and adoption agencies providing parent education courses and children's groups.

BA in Psychology and MSW.

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