AboutLeslie Truex Expertise I am a parent of two, but also I'm a social worker with over 15 year experience working with children and families. I can provide many tips and techniques to help with child behavior, interventions for specific behavioral issues, ideas to help children through difficult times such as divorce or grief, hints on keeping the family running smoothly, and tips for developing confident, happy children.
Experience I have a master's in social work and over 15 years experience working with children and families. I have worked in schools, public health, mental health and adoption agencies providing parent education courses and children's groups.
Question We enrolled my son in a pre-k program he goes two days a week from 8:30 unitl 11:30. He gives me a hard time about going he crys won't get out of bed and when we get to school he starts crying I don't like school I want to go home. I have become very frustrated and don't know what I can do to avoid this from happening. And we have the same problem at bed time we can put him in bed at 7:30 and he is still wide awake at 10pm. Please help me.
Answer Hi Judy,
Its not uncommon for children to have separation anxiety about going to school. What you didn't tell me is how he does once he's at school and you've left. Do the teachers report that he settles down? Does he have fun? Has he made friends? And what is he like when you pick him up? Does he report that he had fun? If that is the case, you just have to do the best you can. Be firm that he's going to school and that he'll have fun. Assure him that you'll pick him up at the regular time. Don't hang around waiting for him stop crying. Most teachers are familiar with this sort of thing and would probably prefer you just dropped him off with a kiss and left. Hanging around only prolongs the crying. You will just have to learn to develop a detachment to the crying (not your son). Your son knows it breaks your heart which is why he does it. You have to keep a very calm voice that is reassuring while at the same time firm about going to school.
If he doesn't have fun once at school, then perhaps he's not ready for a pre-K class. I'm assuming you're planning for him to go to kindergarten when he's five. But many boys are not ready for this until they are 6. You may want to ask the teachers about this. That's not to say that he shouldn't go to a pre-school but a pre-k class may run differently than a regular 4 year old class (more like 'school' than fun learning). The reality is though, he's going to have to learn to cope, and so will you. Better this happen now than in kindergarten.
Bedtime along with eating is one of the more difficult things to manage. If your son goes to bed and stays in bed, but doesn't fall asleep, there is very little you can do about it. However, if he's constantly wanting water, getting up, etc and you have allowed it, then you have to stop. You need to let him know that bedtime is bedtime. Make sure you have a positive ritual like reading or talking to process the day. Let him know that he's to stay in bed and not to call you unless its an emergency (you may need to define emergency). Let him know that you will ignore him (won't hear him) otherwise and then you have to stick to your guns. He still may not fall asleep but we can't make people sleep. So as long as he's laying quietly in bed, that may be the best you can hope for.
Often, parents reinforce the very difficulties they are getting frustrated at such as separation anxiety and bedtime rituals. There are many books on helping kids with school and getting them to bed. You may want to grab a few at your library for additional tips.
