AboutLeslie Truex Expertise I am a parent of two, but also I'm a social worker with over 15 year experience working with children and families. I can provide many tips and techniques to help with child behavior, interventions for specific behavioral issues, ideas to help children through difficult times such as divorce or grief, hints on keeping the family running smoothly, and tips for developing confident, happy children.
Experience I have a master's in social work and over 15 years experience working with children and families. I have worked in schools, public health, mental health and adoption agencies providing parent education courses and children's groups.
Question Our 4 and a half year old daughter has been struggling with 'being scared' and 'being startled' for the last several months. She doesn't seem to have problems going to school, going to play dates, or going to bed at night, so my wife and I don't think this is typical separation anxiety.
Instead her 'fear behavior' manifests as follows:
* This only happens at home. We've asked her teachers at preschool and they don't report seeing similar behavior.
* She will say "You scared me!" or "You startled me!" if someone walks into the room or if she hears someone elsewhere in the house talking.
* She wants someone to "be with me" or walk with her to go from the dinner table to the sink to wash hands or clean up dishes.
* If she hears a noise at the dinner table (like a car driving past the house, or ice in the ice-maker, or coffee in the coffee pot) she will run or scoot as close to the nearest other person she can and cling to their side.
* When we ask her about this, she says she is scared of monsters.
The behavior started about 6 months ago. Over concern that it may be sensitivity to chocolate, we've tried to remove it from her diet, but it hasn't seemed to help.
She is very smart, and quite empathetic, and she certainly has a rebellious streak to her; so at first we thought she was doing this as a technique of manipulating us to not do her chores or wash her hands. But she does seem to be genuinely scared.
Help us!
Answer Hi Brad,
Four year olds can be interesting people. Its often when they have imaginary friends. And its not unusual to be afraid of monsters. It's most likely a phase, but if you are concerned, you should consider taking her to a child specialist who can better evaluate. For example, did she witness something scary (whether real or on tv/movie)? Did she hear someone talk about something scary?
Mostly, you should just reassure her that all is well. Many parents check "under the bed" and closet to be sure. Perhaps she can get a new perspective from the movie Monsters Inc which shows monsters are scared of children. View it first though...just to be sure you think it will be okay.
If you think she is manipulating you, simply don't allow it to happen. If you want her to do something, make sure nothing else happens until she does it. She may throw a fit (its a great way to delay the chore), simply ignore it. Its better to stay matter of fact and not get pulled into the drama with four year olds (or any age for that matter).
I recommend you find a book called Keys to Parenting Your Four Year Old (by Barron's Parenting Keys). I think you'll find some helpful tips.
