About Mona R. Spiegel, Ph.D. Expertise I am a licensed psychologist and professional coach. I have been guiding parents and their children for over 25 years and now specialize in coaching women on the telephone for parenting, relationship and personal life issues.
Experience After receiving my Ph.D. in 1977 from Columbia University, I became licensed in New York State as a psychologist. I worked for many years in schools and subsequently as a private clinician. Most recently, I have received training from a professional coaching institute to provide services on the telephone.
Organizations American Psychological Association
International Coaching Federation
Publications MFC Newsletter and Dr. Mona's blog @ http://www.myfamilycoach.com .
Question How can I stop this. I give time out for the incident. but minutes later she does it again. Today she have 3 time outs - told her she would not be allowed to play with that child if she kept hitting her. It went in one ear and out the other - exactly 2 min passed and she hit her again. Please help - Child that hits is my sons live in girlfriends. Child she is hitting is my grandaughter. I have taught my girl not to hit. I have told her mother - Mother protects her and does nothing but get angry at me and my son. Please help.
Answer Whoa, Mary. You're obviously at your wits' end with this young lady. But remember who's in charge: You are the adult and she is the child.
That doesn't mean that you should hit or yell at her. Punishment, as you've already found out, will not work. It will only get her angry and cause her to hit again.
Hitting is a sign of aggression and, often, unhappiness and low self-esteem. Consequences such as time-outs help for the moment but, unless the child begins to feel better about herself, she will hit again.
Therefore, the most effective approach is a positive one. You might try a chart for good behavior, being very specific as to what you mean by "good behavior." Give her a reward at the end of the day for a certain number of stars or smileys. Keep the reward small (e.g., a sticker or treat). It is more important to reward her frequently than it is to give her something large - especially at this time of year.
Similarly, look for ways to praise her. She may be jealous of your granddaughter. So try to give her some individual attention as well.
Given time, this approach will hopefully improve the child's behavior. If not, you might want to consult with a child development expert.
Warmly,
Dr. Mona Spiegel
"My Family Coach"
www.myfamilycoach.com
