Expert: Mona R. Spiegel, Ph.D. - 12/2/2006

Question
My son cannot handle switching gears, from "5 min until bed time" or "supper is ready soon", sets him into a fit of tears and sobbing " I don't want to...fill in the blank"  Or the reverse ex. He will say what he wants for breakfast and I say ok within 5 seconds he starts crying "But mommy, I want breakfast now".  It is way more than being inpatient - he cries every day several times a day about big and small issues. Help!

Answer
Four-year-olds cannot yet tell time, so time is felt subjectively as too short (for going to bed) or too long (for breakfast).  It is thus important to help your son tolerate an interval of time.  Some suggestions may be using a kitchen timer or giving him another sign for the end of the interval (e.g., when you finish washing the dishes).  

Equally important is not to fear his tantrums or try to avoid them.  Tantrums, as you've probably realized by now, are par for the course.  Follow through on your words, distract him if possible and move on.  In that way, he'll learn that you mean what you say.

For more in-depth parent coaching, contact me through my website, www.myfamilycoach.com.

All the best,
Dr. Mona Spiegel