AboutLeslie Truex Expertise I am a parent of two, but also I'm a social worker with over 15 year experience working with children and families. I can provide many tips and techniques to help with child behavior, interventions for specific behavioral issues, ideas to help children through difficult times such as divorce or grief, hints on keeping the family running smoothly, and tips for developing confident, happy children.
Experience I have a master's in social work and over 15 years experience working with children and families. I have worked in schools, public health, mental health and adoption agencies providing parent education courses and children's groups.
Question Our son (who was 5 in April) has been having behavior problems for the past year or so. As background, his pre-school teacher originally thought he might be a bit behind in his fine motor skill development, so we enrolled him in Occupational Therapy which he breezed through with flying colors. His OT, however, thought he might have a speech deficiency (which we agreed with). So, we began speech therapy.
We started him at a private Kindergarten this past August and his teacher had some concerns. If he is interested in a subject, he will fully embrace it and work on it with no disruptions. If not, he would rather "do his own thing", no matter how much is disrupts the rest of the class. His response to her directions would be "no", soon followed by him either getting up to walk away or simply laying down on the floor. Due to the fact that this was a private school, she didn't have any additional resources to help her. So, we switched him to the public school Kindergarten this past week.
We've already gotten a call from the teacher telling us the same type of thing . . . if he isn't interested in joining in a particular task, he would rather get up and see what else is available vs. sitting quietly. We've had NUMEROUS conversations with him regarding this type of behavior, but it doesn't seem to be sinking in. At home, when he behaves in this way, we give a warning and then begin taking away privileges if it happens again.
At this point, my wife have now begun asking ourselves all sorts of questions - does he have ADHD, Autism, or something else? We're not sure what our options are. He is a very loving and otherwise normal, smart, and healthy child. We just want to make sure we are doing everything we can to provide the environment and support he needs to succeed.
Answer Hi Mark,
Thank you for your question. My impression is that no, your son probably doesn't have ADD or ADHD since he can focus when he wants to. And autism is likely something that would have been noticed earlier. However, having never seen him, I can't really say. If this is a concern, you should arrange for him to see the school psychologist or other professional (I'd recommend a psychologist or psychiatrist over your pediatrician since they trained in these types of diagnosis more than regular doctors are).
Is it possible that he's immature? Many parents, myself included, have waited to start their sons in kindergarten until they were six. It's not that they aren't smart enough, its just that many boys need an extra year to develop socially.
If he responds to intervention at home, you can work with the teacher to develop a behavior program at school. For example, if he earns 5 out of 6 smilies for good behavior, he gets a sticker (or something he'd like). If he gets less than 4, he misses out on something at home such as television or whatever intervention you have found effective at home. For this to work, the teacher must be willing to use a behavior chart with him. And he needs to bring it home everyday. If he forgets, he loses his privileges.
For interventions to work, they really need to be something motivating. Obviously, whatever the teachers do at school doesn't compel him to choose to behave. The behavior chart and the threat of punishment at home may do the trick. But, the best bet is an intervention that will be done right there in class when the behavior happens. Some classes have the "card" system that can help. Or perhaps a loss of recess? Or, the opposite can work. He can earn something great by behaving such as 5 minutes of free time or a chance to visit someone in the school like the guidance counselor who knows that if he shows up its because he had a good day.
The final suggestion might be a Montessori School, which uses a non-directive learning approach and taps into children's own curiosities and interests.
