AboutLeslie Truex Expertise I am a parent of two, but also I'm a social worker with over 15 year experience working with children and families. I can provide many tips and techniques to help with child behavior, interventions for specific behavioral issues, ideas to help children through difficult times such as divorce or grief, hints on keeping the family running smoothly, and tips for developing confident, happy children.
Experience I have a master's in social work and over 15 years experience working with children and families. I have worked in schools, public health, mental health and adoption agencies providing parent education courses and children's groups.
Question Thank you... and I do ignore her most all the time but I have 2 younger siblings that have to hear her outburst... should that be a concern of mine... that they may start acting like her?
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The text above is a follow-up to ...
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What do I do or how do I react to my daughter when I am punishing her and she starts yelling I hate you and that she is going to run away? How do I handle something like that?
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Hi Jamie,
My opinion is to ignore it. It is an expression of her anger and meant to rattle you. If it does, then she gets her way. By staying calm and paying no attention to her outburst, which is designed to hurt you and get you to respond, she doesn't get what she wants. I think this is the most effective option (and most annoying to your daughter). This technique does work, but sometimes it escalates before it decreases. It's kind of like when she's trying to get your attention starting with "Mommy?" and ending with "MOMMY!" if you don't respond. As you ignore the behavior she may try to get louder, but if you stick to your guns and realize she's coming from anger (she doesn't really mean it), then it will subside.
If you are unable to ignore it, then you need to give her an acceptable outlet for her anger. "I know you are mad at me, but you can't yell at me. What you can do is..." and then give her choices such as scream in a pillow or something.
In these situations it is most important for you to remain calm and very matter of fact or business like. Don't let your own emotions get out of hand.
Oh and as far as the running away, I wouldn't respond to it, however, I would keep an eye on her. Sometimes kids try to leave in a "I'll show you!" type of move.
Leslie Truex
Answer Hi Jamie,
Your younger kids may try mimic their older sibling. But if they see it doesn't get a reaction out of you, it only makes their sister look silly and if they do it, it will be out of anger and not because older sister does it. In the end, your kids behavior will be dictated more by how you respond. If you buttons won't push, they'll eventually stop trying to push them...at least in the "I hate you" manner.
At a time when things are calm, you can talk to your older child about how hurtful her words can be and problem solve some better ways to release her anger and frustration. It could be a journal (she can write or draw), a feeling box, punching a pillow, or whatever is acceptable to you.
