Expert: Leslie Truex - 3/19/2007

Question
My daughter was doing great in school until about a week ago when she had an accident. The teacher said no one seen her. Then she said she was sick. I spoke to the dr and teacher everything is good. She won't gt up she screams take her clothes off. I tried everything talking, etc..she is home again today. I have a job I am trying to maintain as well.

Answer
Hi Lisa,
I'm glad you checked with the doctor. Its always good to make sure there was no medical reason for the accident (we are talking about wetting, right?). I'm sure it was embarrassing for her, but you don't want to let her get into a habit of hiding as a way of coping. When you talk to her, what is she indicating is the problem? Asking her "why" probably won't yield good info. Instead, say what is she worried (scared, afraid) will happen at school. And also ask, what would need to happen to make her feel okay about going to back to school? Hopefully she'll come up with an easy answer. Odds are she won't.

So, is there someone you can enlist for help at her school such as a guidance counselor? Perhaps she can meet with the guidance counselor first thing in the morning (as a special friend... and maybe she can offer some help to your daughter). When I was a guidance counselor, I had several "special friends".

You will likely need to be blunt and forceful. She has to go to school and you have to work (even though there are times you'd probably like to not go to work too). But you want to work with her to help her feel okay. But if she doesn't help you, you'll just have to force her to go. Again, if you can get help at school, it can support your efforts and provide support for your daughter as well.

Leslie Truex