AboutLeslie Truex Expertise I am a parent of two, but also I'm a social worker with over 15 year experience working with children and families. I can provide many tips and techniques to help with child behavior, interventions for specific behavioral issues, ideas to help children through difficult times such as divorce or grief, hints on keeping the family running smoothly, and tips for developing confident, happy children.
Experience I have a master's in social work and over 15 years experience working with children and families. I have worked in schools, public health, mental health and adoption agencies providing parent education courses and children's groups.
Question My five year old daughter is recently repeating behavior she knows I do not
wish her to do - i.e., she takes out all the clothes in her closet and/or her
brother's closet and lies them on the bed or just plays "clothes store" with
them. First time, it was cute. Second time, not so cute and twice and long to
put everything away. Third time, I'm ready to sell her on Ebay. Kidding.
However, she has also taken to saying she has "forgotten" that this is not an
option in our house. Additionally, she is sneaking food which really concerns
me. We have a fairly open house - ask and we will discuss your need or want
and see what's a good reponse. The not listening (or "remembering"),
sneaking food is difficult for me to discipline for. Do I discipline for them and
if so, how? It's hard to have positive discipline here because I'm not going to
say, "Great job for not sneaking food in here today" because it's kind of like
saying, "Great job for not bonking your brother on the head today."
Or am I over thinking this because I'm so sick of it?
Answer Hi Kerrie,
Well, there are a couple of things to consider here. First of all, little kids really do forget...or at least don't always have the brain development to remember in time...kids are impulsive by nature. The truth is, expecting kids to remember and adhere to rules 100 percent of the time
after the first try is unreasonable. Adults absolutely know that speeding is against the rules, yet most do it every day...even after they get a ticket. Its not fair to expect children to do better than an adult. That's not to say you shouldn't expect them to follow rules. You just have to remember that it can take time and you need to be clear and consistant.
With that said, if you have good consequences for "forgetting", then she'll learn to obey, just like if adults got a ticket every time they sped, they'd stop speeding. So what is the consequence for pulling out her clothes? Is she required to put them back when she'd done with them? If she doesn't put them away, is she not allowed to do ANYTHING else until they are put away? Have you threatened to pack them up and give them away? (BTW, don't threaten this unless you intend to follow through otherwise you'll undermine your credibility).
Food sneaking could be the sign of something of concern or it just could be nothing. What is she sneaking? Cookies? What is the consequence for that? Again, a good logical consequence will extinguish the behavior, not on the first try, but over time as she learns that you mean business.
But, when she takes this food, is it a lot of food? Does she "store" it or hoard it? That could be a sign of something more serious and you should see a doctor or counselor.
My favorite parenting book is "How to Talk to Kids so They'll Listen and How to Listen so Kids will Talk". I highly recommend you get this book because not only does it offer great tips for interventions, but they are interventions that teach your kids about being responsible, making restitution, and making better choices which is what discipline is all about.
