Expert: Leslie Truex - 2/13/2007

Question
My son turned 6 in January. He is wetting his pants all day every day. When he wants something he just screams until he gets it. He laughs if I punish him. He kicks and hits me when I pick him up to put him in timeout. He screams and throws himself to the ground if told to do anything. I just don't know what to do with him. He does not have a behavior problem in school. He is in a normal kindergarten class.He is learning on grade level with his peers.  
Please let me know if you can suggest anything to get him under control.

Answer
Hi Kristina,

You didn't indicate how long this behavior has been going on. Has been wetting every day since he was born or was he properly potty trained and just started wetting? Has he always been defiant or again, is this new behavior?

The first thing you should do is take your son to the doctor to make sure the wetting isn't related to a medical problem. If its determined that he has no health issues, then you need to work on emotional issues. For wetting, I suggest counseling to get to the root of the problem and to help get you support. Wetting can be a control issue as parents really have no control over what goes in (eating) or what comes out (wetting or worse...pooping).

As far as the other behavior, it appears he has figured you out. He knows that if he persists long enough, you'll give in. The answer is to not give in. Ever. The first few times to you stick to your guns will be hard. It could take hours. But if you don't give in, even after all the time, he will learn that this time you mean it. Keeping putting him in time out until he sits for the time period. Do it if it takes all night. Make sure your voice stays matter of fact (don't yell because that only shows him he's getting to you). If he is told to do something and he doesn't, have a consequence. It doesn't have to be time out. If he's not picking up his toys, throw them away (or give them away). If he's not doing his chores, take away TV or other fun time.

Now if this behavior is new, you also want to look at what has changed in his life that he may be reacting to.

I recommend you find a good parent education class that can teach you lots of great "tricks" that do work and give you support as well.

Leslie Truex