About Nelson Mayer Expertise I can answer any questions you have related to parenting. I am a parent of 4 children ages 2, 5, 6 and 10 years old and I am also a social worker. I have my BSW and BA with a major in Psychology. Most of the courses I took in University were related in some way to Child/adolescent development.
Experience I am a parent of 4 children ages 2, 5, 6 and 10 years old. In addition I have my BSW and BA with a major in Psychology. Most of the courses I took in University were related in some way to Child/adolescent development.
Education/Credentials As stated BA with a Psych major, and a BSW.
Parenting K-6 Kids - 9 Year old Angry at Divorced Mom and Dad having other releationships
Expert: Nelson Mayer - 2/19/2007
Question My son is 9 years old and his father has been out of the home for 1 year. We have been officially divorced for 3 years. His father and I both have other relationships. My son was exposed last week to his father's girlfriend spending the night at his house. My son was also told by his father that if he didn't respect the girlfriend that he would sell his home and move in with her and then my son could just come live with me. My ex is constantly blaming the divorce on me. My son saw my boyfriend kiss me in a friendly way and he became extraordinarily angry. He pounds things against the wall, he won't talk or listen to me, he says he doesn't want to be part of this family. He wants to get away from me. I am a busy full time working mom and have a 6 year old daughter as well. I really don't know what to do with my son. Please advise.
Answer Hello Anne,
You seem like a rather intelligent woman to me so I am sure you are completely aware of how difficult divorce is for children to handle. He is confused, Angry probably feels guilty and torn between his parents. The most important thing here and unfortunatly usually the most difficult is for you and his father to work together and try to get along as much as possible for his sake. Strong open communication between the two of you will make things much easier for your son. I don't know if you have this type of relationship with your ex but I strongly encourage you to work on developing it. Often times in divorces the parents emotions and sense of loss and anger make it difficult and at times seemingly impossible to work out issues for the sake of the children but it must be done. I think it would benefit your son if both you and your ex sat down with him and explained to him that you are still a family and he will always have both of you. If you and your ex can demonstrate cooperative behavior then he will not feel the need to channel his anger towards one of you. Instead he will see that all though you two are not together he still has both of you and you can get along with one another. I think he is probably confused and feels pushed away from one or both of you its important to let him know that not the case. Let him know that its ok for him to express his feelings and that you will be there for him when he is ready. Typing this I do realize that it may be quite difficult for you and your ex to do this but I am hoping that you can at least see how this would be beneficial to your son and its my hope that both of you will try to work together in the best interests of your chidren.
