Expert: Leslie Truex - 12/22/2006

Question
Hi i'm a single mom of a 8 year old boy.  He's very close with his dad and spends a lot of time with him.  Recently, my son told me they had a sleep over for the first time at dad's girlfriend's and that Dad and girlfriend had a shower together.  I was appalled!!!  I was so hurt that his dad would do this while my son (and her 6 year old son were up). Am i over reacting or is this very inappropriate?

thanks, Dari

Answer
Hi Dari,
Is it inappropriate for dad to be in the shower with girlfriend? Yes, IF the kids were up. However, you do need to be careful not to make this a big deal in front of your son. Sometimes adults do things without realizing how much children notice. I would start by mentioning to your son's father that he (your son) mentioned the sleep over and the shower. If it were me, I'd be embarrassed that my kid knew I was in the shower with a friend and hopefully your son's father will have the same reaction.

The trick is to keep your emotions in control. Try to be matter of fact about it. If he doesn't see the problem with it, then you'll have a more difficult time. I don't what your custody agreement states about stuff like that. The truth is, parents date and marry other people, so there does need to be some concession for that. However, children don't need to be left unsupervised while parents "play" in the shower or elsewhere.

Leslie Truex