Expert: Melinda Mantilla - 9/22/2006

Question
My 5 year old went to daycare for a half day for 3 years.  I had problems with his behavior there but they seemed to subside.  Recently, he has gone to kindergarten and all hell has let loose.  He is an intelligent child.  He does not get along with the other children.  He claims that they do not like him.  He fights with the other children, throws things   and is just a total menace.  

I am a single mother (age 63).  He is adopted.  He is a beautiful child, very smart.  He plays with his cars and this has been since he was little; lines them up by color, by make, and by whether they are cars or trucks.  He does the same thing with his blocks, etc.  He does not listen or only listens to what he wants to listen to.  He is very dominating ie., wants to be in control of his acquaintances.    He choses friends that are older than he is (about 8 years old) and they seem to be children that other children pick on. When he plays outside he is very active, always working up a sweat, and very agressive, asking strangers what their names are and so forth. He jumps in front of other children and goes down slides with these people still on the slide.  He is fearless and sometimes I get afraid because he is so wild.

The teacher and  I communicate daily through a notebook on his behavior.  She also states that other children are afraid of him.  This is his second full week of school and he is already been to the principal.  I have a meeting with the school this week.  I am so afraid that he will be thrown out.  I don't think he is that fresh, but again I am his mother.  I love his vitality and his zest for life and that is the way I look at it.  I do talk to him about his behavior and  he does not want to talk about it.  I don't know how to punish this 5 year old child when he really does not have any privileges yet.  Please help.

Answer
Patricia,

I have a few questions for you!

Did you adopt your son from birth? If not, how old was he and where was he born?

I think we need to look at his history. His capabilities in terms of interacting with other kids, how does he interact? Does he play with kids his own age at all?
Also, does the teacher interact with him at all? How does he respond to the teacher?

Also, has he always been this way?

Patricia, please answer these questions and feel free to elaborate so that my answer/response can be more effective!!

Awaiting your reply..

Melinda