AboutLeslie Truex Expertise I am a parent of two, but also I'm a social worker with over 15 year experience working with children and families. I can provide many tips and techniques to help with child behavior, interventions for specific behavioral issues, ideas to help children through difficult times such as divorce or grief, hints on keeping the family running smoothly, and tips for developing confident, happy children.
Experience I have a master's in social work and over 15 years experience working with children and families. I have worked in schools, public health, mental health and adoption agencies providing parent education courses and children's groups.
Question Our seven year old son is very bright. He is very smart in reading and math. He is also very good at video games and loves sports. He is a good drama student and sings well. However, he tends to lack the interest in doing things well on his own. He does his projects for school halfway, writes halfway most times --he is a lefty, quickly finishes work he thinks is easy and makes silly mistakes. He is active after school and does kumon daily. He hates kumon. However, it keeps him focused. He seems to not to appreciate things that he does and he does not tend to take pride in doing things well. He never liked to color or do other things like build with legos, etc. He is an only child, but we are expecting another one now. My husband is frustrated and I am disappointed because I think somehow I have sent him the message that completing something is more important than actually doing the task. He does chess (all year), basketball (or football depending on the season), tennis (all year), sometimes golf during the week and then kumon daily. In addition, we are active in community groups that meet monthly. I think he is busy, but he wants to do so much. How can we get him motivated to do his best at what he is doing? Thanks!
Answer Hi Teresa,
School
Kumon
Drama/music
chess
basketball/football
tennis
golf
community group...
Your son is very busy and he may be over scheduled. Its not uncommon for overly scheduled kids to have low attention or focus because they aren't usually challenged to figure out how to entertain themselves. If they wait long enough, they're off to the next thing.
It also appears that he sticks with some things like sports, but not with activities that involve fine motor skills. You indicate he's smart in reading and math, but send him to Kumon. Is that because he's not performing to his ability? Does that mean that his lack of attention to his studies is effecting his work?
I'm not sure where the answer lies, but here's what I would suggest as a start:
1) At a calm time, perhaps when you're out having fun, try to find out, in a subtle (no interrogating) way how he feels about his life? If he could do anything what would that be? If he could only to 2 activities, which two would they be? How does he feel about school (bored, frustrated etc). Also, pay attention to his affect when you take him to activities. Which activities can you see real joy and which are chores.
2) Does he play? Parents today have really been mislead about "enrichment". Kids learn a great deal through free play. We know crawling stimulates stuff needed later in reading. Music does the same for math. But we are so focused on having each moment be a "learning" moment, we forget that kids have natural learning inside them. They dig in the dirt to learn about bugs etc. They watch, they test, and learn. Its actually very interesting to watch children in free play. You can learn a lot about how they perceive the world.
I would look at the schedule and make sure he has time to play. And this would be not just computer and certainly not legos if he doesn't like them. Perhaps it will be with friends or to the park.
3) With a baby coming, it seems like it will be really stressful to keep all the activities. It may be a good time to cut back. I allow my kids 2 activities at time. They have limits on tv and computer so they are forced to do free play (can you imagine that???). If he is in Kumon related to his grades, help him set goals to get out of it. Tell him that if he pays attention and improves his grades, he won't have to go. Or maybe he'll like the Kumon if every other moment isn't scheduled.
Basically, from where I'm sitting, it looks like your son needs some free time. That doesn't mean enriching activities are bad. He just doesn't need them every minute of the day. Giving your son some free time will allow him to discover himself, his interests, and have fun. And that can go along way to help him.
