Expert: Mona R. Spiegel, Ph.D. - 12/12/2006

Question
What are you suggestions for immediate reprocussions for a 7 year old girl who just doesn't want to listen, obey, is unappreciative, and beginig to show signs of aggression and self destruction. I always try to promote positive well being, I have 2 other biological children ages 11 and 4 who I feel grasped this concept, they know that they are not even allowed to walk around with a foul look on their face. The child in question is my step daughter. I understand this is a new setting for her she has only been with us for about 8 months, but this behavior stems further back, her back ground doesnt do her much justice. But as of right now I have tried being patient and explain right from wrong, But I have HAD IT it is also very apparent to others who have just come to know her. Im trying and Im at a loss now, My realionship is about to be severed. Any suggestions....

Answer
Dear Danielle,

It sounds like you are truly fed up with this child's behavior.  It is, therefore, important that you take a step back and look at your own emotions first.

It is very hard to deal with a child who has behavior problems.  It is easy to get angry and lose control.  When that happens you lose your effectiveness and your authority.

Since the situation is an ongoing one, I recommend that you seek professional help.  Expert guidance can make a huge difference in family relationships.

The best of luck to you.

Warmly,
Dr. Mona Spiegel
"My Family Coach"
www.myfamilycoach.com