AboutEvelyn Petersen Expertise I`ve been a weekly parenting columnist for the Knight Ridder papers for 18 years and have answered hundreds of parent questions on at least 200 different topics, most of which related to educational, behavioral and family issues. I`m also a mom, grandmom and author of 7 parenting books. My advice is practical, direct, and positive.
Experience My experience as a mother and grandmother is just as important as my 40 years in the field of education. My degrees are in Child and Family Life and Education. I've taught in settings from preschool centers to family homes, and from private and public schools to college classrooms. I'm also an active consultant for Head Start and other early childhood programs.
Organizations National Assn. for the Education of Young Children
Assn. for Childhood Education International
National Federation of Press Women
Publications Weekkly parenting columns in the Knight Ridder papers and Wire Service from 1984 to present
Author of eight books: "A Practical Guide to Early Childhood Planning" and "A Practical Guide to Early Childhood Curriculum, Second Ed" Allyn & Bacon; "Growing Happy Kids", "Growing Creative Kids", "Growing Thinking Kids", and "Growing Responsible Kids" McGraw-Hill/Totline imprint; "1,2,3, Blocks" McGraw-Hill/Totline imprint; and "Sams Teach Yourself e-Parenting Today" Macmillan USA. My writing also appears in the Nashville Tennessean, on women.com and on tnpc.com (The National Parenting Center)as well as on my own web site (www.askevelyn.com)and other link-related sites. I am also a regular feature writer for "Children and Families" magazine.
Education/Credentials BA Child Development/Family Life; Purdue University
MA Education (early ed priority); Central Mich. University
Awards and Honors Honored by the Michigan State Legislature and the Michigan Childrens' Trust Fund for the Prevention of Child Abuse for writing that helps to promote positive parenting skills. Winner of several Press Women Awards for various columns. Winner of Parents' Choice Recommended Award for the book "Growing Responsible Kids".
Question I just returned from my First Graders first parent teacher conference of the year. She couldn't be doing better academically but she is having social issues. Both her teacher and myself feel she needs help making friends.
A little background: our daughter has always been the headstrong, independent one of our two children. She is the youngest (our son is 9 years old). She can be very willful. But she also is quite insecure. I wonder a lot about where that part of her personality comes from since I am careful to always make sure she knows how much I love her, how special I think she is etc. She craves attention (she gets quite a bit - I work from home and am here for them... my husband works full time but still gets quite a bit of time with her... the more she gets the more she seems to want) and can be very jealous.
All that being said, she's having problems making friends at school. Her teacher tells me she seems unhappy yet when I ask her about her day she is always very enthusiastic and seems to love it.
I know I'm getting into more than one issue. My main question is how to help her develop the skills she needs to make friends. Telling her to be nice doesn't seem like enough. She's a very literal little girl and I think I need to give her step-by-steps.
Thank you for any insight you can give me,
Stacy
Answer Dear Stacy,
Some children are confident and outgoing and make freinds easily, some need help. Making friends is actually a skill that can be learned. Start by telling her that friends like attention, just like she does. They like it when you ask them advice or questions and listen to them answer or speak without any interupting. (just like seh does) They like thank yous too. (Just like she does)
You need to model and practice these skills at home, so that it is easy for her to do at school.
In addition, she should observe and find something good or nice to say to another person...a compliment that is genuine...and actually say it. She should give at least one true compliment every day. Start at home first, and practice doing this. (You need to model giving her and others in the home compliments too; it will help her learn to do it easily.)
After practicing at home she needs to do it at school..eg give another child a compliment. Do this at least one time each day. In fact, asking the advice of, or infromation from, another child is also a form of compliment.
These things will help. You should also ask the teacher what children or child would possibly be a good match as a friend for your child. Then contact the child's or children's parents and have the child and mom over for a snack or lunch...have the child come over to play to nuture that friendship. Good luck
