Expert: Leslie Truex - 3/12/2007

Question
Hello,
I have a creative 6 year old who loves creating and is pretty confident in whatever he does.  All the other parents want to arrange play dates with him and there own children.  However, given the opportunity, he usually wants to play by himself and do his own thing to the point of being almost anti-social.  Later, when he wants to play with the other kids, they have gone onto other thing and he is sad he has now one to play with.  Your thoughts.


Answer
Hi Michael,
Do these other kids want to play with your son? Do they try to play the same thing your son is playing? Does your son let them join in his play or does he just not engage in other play the other kids want to do? Does he ever engage with other kids such as at school or his activities? The question is, is he like this sometimes or all the time.

If he's just like this when you set up play dates, you can first make sure you arrange these dates at a time he'd like to play with others. If that's not clear, you can help cue your son to what happens when his friends are over. If your son isn't joining in the fun, remind him that sometimes he wants to play with the kids, but misses out because he's playing alone. Now would be a good time to play with the kids and he can play his solitary games later.

If he's like this more often than not, I would encourage you to involve him in more structured groups that require engaging with other kids such as Scouting or some other social group. You may even find out if there is a "counseling" group for social skills that he can participate in at school or through your local mental health clinic. These groups are often fun and will give your son skills to engage with others, but also to better verbalize when he needs to be alone.

Leslie Truex