AboutMaryAnn F. Kohl Expertise Art for children and how to bring creative art into your home... easily... without too much mess.
Experience Former teacher, now an author of books about art since 1985... writing my twentieth book now... all my books are about creative art experiences using materials found commonly in the home.
Publications Parenting, Fisher Price, Scholastic, Donna's Day, Disney, and others
Question My son just turned 5 August 27th. He was going to daycare on the base I live on here in New Orleans, LA. When at daycare, he would listen sometimes & sometimes he wouldn't. There would be times the teacher would tell him to sit down or no talking during nap time which would make him really upset & he would start to kick & scream loudly. There was even a time when he kicked one of the teachers. Now he attends the academy on a different base but still has the same attitude. He has only been there for a week yet I have already been called 3 times about his behavior. They are on the color coding system at school: green being the best, yellow is a warning, blue is a consequence, & red being the worst...in or out of school detention & possibly expulsion. He is sent home with his daily folder which has a calendar in it that displays the color he received for the day. His calendar already has many yellow & blue marks & a few red ones. He has already had in school detention once. He has been very disruptive in class, talking when the teacher is giving instructions, hitting other students, throwing tantrums. I just recently had another baby so I was thinking that maybe that is the reason for his behavior but when I think back, he had this same attitude way before I became pregnant. I was also thinking it could be that his father is not around as I am a single mother. I have tried talkiing to him to see how he feels, disciplining him, rewarding him, & taking things away from him but nothing seems to be working. It's like he enjoys negative attention. I don't know what else to do. I am tired of both talking fussing as it seems to not be doing any good. I hope you can help. Thank you for your time...
Vickey Boyd
Answer Hello, Vickey.
Your description of your son and his life painted a picture for me that is very clear. This is what comes through to me: He does not way to be away from you, and he sees the new baby taking his place which makes things even worse for him. He's feeling lost and like he is 'out of control', that his pararmeters are much to wide and frightening.
Is it possible to find a babysitter or share care with a friend in a more 'home-like' setting? Daycares are not 'natural' for very young children. No mommy, no private places to cry or rest, and much regimented time that most five year olds do not find normal. True, most five year olds will go with the flow, but the only really normal situation is home with mom. But it appears it is not possible for him to be with you until he's ready for the big world. I simply suggest some very low key kind of childcare where he doesn't feel so alone and lost.
Also, if possible, you must make very special time for him when the baby is in bed or playing, where he is your sole purpose for your happiness...that he, where he is your focus of all your adoration and attention. I will be honest: it is very hard on a child to be with a single mom and also have a new baby arrive. Most older kids have a dad to pick up the slack.
Can you have a parent or relative or good friend (female) move in with you and help out? Or if not move in, help with childcare? Your little guy needs stability, and sending him off into the big world of childcare is just too much for him right now....of course, this is only an opinion. I don't really know this is exactly true. But based on your letter, I'm giving you my gut reaction.
You are very right about negative attention. He gets tremendous satisfaction from it, even if it hurts. There are books and books written about how this Below I have listed some books that will help you. After you read one or two, please make an appointment with your pediatrician to talk things over, and also, be sure your sone does not have any allergies, because allergies can cause everything that is going on right now.
In addition, you must be diligent and see to it that he has a strictly regular bedtime (with a good bedtime story EVERY night), and that he eats a healthy breakfast with plenty of protein (eggs, cottage cheese, or peanut butter) or good carbohydrates (quality whole oatmeal or whole grain cereal). Food can really calm kids down when that food is good healthy food, and not manufactured chemically altered food ( never never lunchables!!!).
These books are available at Amazon.com, or your local librarY:
How to Handle a Hard-To-Handle Kid: A Parent's Guide to Understanding and Changing Problem Behaviors by C. Drew Edwards $10.85
The 5 Steps to Changing Disturbing Behavior: Stand Up to Your Children and Help Them Grow (DVD) $19.99
The Baffled Parent's Guide to Stopping Bad Behavior by Kate Kelly (Paperback - May 9, 2003) $14.95
The Brat Stops Here!: 5 Weeks (or Less) to No More Tantrums, Arguing, or Bad Behavior by Mary-Elaine Jacobsen (Paperback - Jan 24, 2006) $13.95
If you would like to chat more, please write to me at
maryann@brightring.com
However, I am not a behavior specialist by any means. I'm just a mom/educator/teacher who has been around the block a few times and seen it all. I don't have all the answers, but I do get strong feelings of how to help.
I hope this letter has been of some help to you.
Let me know how things go....
My best to you, sincerely,
MaryAnn
Kohl
maryann@brightring.com
