Parenting K-6 Kids/An angry 10 year old Boy

Advertisement

Expert: Debbie Preece - 1/25/2007


Question
My oldest child is 10 years old and is very angry ALL the time.  If he is playing with his friends he seems to be OK until he gets mad about something and the whole world is out to get him.  The worst part of his behavior is with mom.  He has no respect for me and we argue about EVERYTHING.  He yells and me and tells me that I don't listen to him.  He says he hates me and thinks I favor his 2 younger sisters (age 8 & 3).  When my husband I try to help him with anything (sports, homework etc)he goes into a rage telling us we don't know anything but yet if we don't offer to help him, he gets frustrated and more angry.  He recently started have "temper tantrums" like a 2 year old, throwing himself on the ground and throwing things.  He doesn't have any behavior problems at school and is an A and B student.  He doesn't act like this with any other adults except my husband and I. We are at a loss, we've tried grounding, taking privledges away etc.  We are scared that he is going to become a troublesome teenager!!!! Help.

Answer
Hi Miranda,
I have raised three children and found that the age of 10  was a difficult time for mine as well, but most of all for the first.  I am assuming that your 10 year old is in the fifth grade.  This is the age when they are in the top of their elementary class, and getting more and more homework and less time to play.  More pressure on them because they are the oldest both at home and the school and many other factors.  Developmentally, at least in my daughters, hormones are raging, they are developing into adolescence and are not sure why they feel how they do.  This is also the age where friends comments matter and they want to be noticed for their contributions.  Sometimes, parents become the villain in their eyes as they try to figure out what's going on with them.
I too had a temper tantrum child develop at this age. I too tried everything I knew to no satisfactory avail.  Then I became inspired to start something that popped in my mind.  A token system, I called it the Happy Face Tokens because I needed more happy faces in my family.  This amazing tool became indispensable and I used it successful and consistently for over 12 years in my family.  I found it to be most effective for the strong willed, older child.  Within a few weeks of using it, I was tucking her into bed.  I leaned down to kiss her good-night and she put her arms around me and said, "Thank you for the happy faces mommy, I feel much better."  From that point on I could get her to do pretty much anything I needed, the first time I asked, happily and cheerfully.  There were still occasional outbursts, but more controllable.  I wrote my story and share my program in a book I wrote called "From Combat Zone to Love at Home"  If this sounds like home, maybe some tips from my web site will help.  You can begin the Happy Face Token System today and within a week be amazed at the miracle that is taking place.  I sell the book and CDrom(printable charts) along with an audio tape of my National parenting lecture that easily teaches the system.  I would be happy to send you a book comb at a 10.00 discount ($15.00)and help you with any questions as you begin your happy mommy experience.  I offer a 30 day money back guarantee.  Check out the site and see if there is something there that sparks your imagination and we'll go from there.
http://floridabestmom.com

Parenting K-6 Kids

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts

Volunteer

Debbie Preece

Expertise

Feeling frustrated with your parenting skills? Learn how to get first-time obedience cheerfully and happily from children 4-14. Designed for the easy use of Mom and the children keep it going. This Christian author has taught this remarkable system, over 25 years, to battle-weary parents' worldwide who are trying desperately to raise children that contribute to a happy family, better society, and love of God. She has spoken to standing room only audiences that laugh and cry with her as she shares her insightful discovery of a unique parenting tool that she declares is a gift from God. The charts actually work and have been kid tested and Mother approved worldwide. The room specific, chore charts provide the accountabiltiy factor(Garden Experience)by providing a "Do/Did" box by each line item task and step by step instructions help develop specific skills and expertise in doing a job well done. Instruction for PMS/PMDD as well as ADD/ADHD and non-compliance behavior. http://biblebasedparenting101.com

Experience

One desperate night after a very trying day, while raising three children four years apart, Debbie found herself in "Shock" with the behavior of her children and frustrated with her parenting skills. Her home had become a Combat Zone and she was the prisoner! The "Golden Rule" wasn't working. It seemed the more she did for her children, the more selfish and demanding they became. Teaching internal values like integrity and honesty and family values, such as, manners and first time obedience happily and cheerfully were a ‘mission impossible’. The consistency factor on the parenting side was booby trapped by the troops all day long. That night, after holding up her flag of surrender, she sent an emergency S.O.S. to her commander in chief and a new battle plan was developed that virtually guaranteed her survival and that of her family. What resulted in 1983 was “The Happy Face Token System.” Her sigh of relief (AHH!) could be heard in the form of happy children responding with; "What can I do for you Mommy? May I set the table? You’re the BEST MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WORLD!" She had gained control of her family and a truce had been accepted with this most remarkable interactive parenting tool. Consistency was a built-in feature of this now “Kid Tested & Mother Approved” INTERACTIVE experience. http://dissdcourtesy.com

Publications
NEW PRINTING: 2010 From Combat Zone to Love at Home: The Happy Face Token System From Combat Zone to Love at Home 1995 (book)
Mommytalk.com http://happyfacetokens.com http://biblebasedparenting101.com http://foxholeparenting.com http://debbiepreece.com

Education/Credentials
REVIEW: If we are to take the Lord God as our model in raising children, then the implication is that we should also provide appropriate rewards. I have never wanted to "bribe" our children into compliance, so I found the following excerpt from Debbie Preece's book very interesting: She notes that: ". . . according to Webster's Dictionary a bribe is: 'Anything especially money-given or promised to induce a person to do something illegal or wrong.' . . . Webster's defines a blessing as, 'The gift of divine favor. Anything that gives happiness or prevents misfortune.' This book is packed with fun ideas like "The Slothful Servant Quarantine," as well as practical charts and ideas. Altogether a very valuable resource to aid you in child training and setting up and enforcing chores. Lorrie Flem, Editor of TEACH Magazine. author's note: The SLOTHFUL SERVANT ROOM QUARANTINE is designed for ages 8-18. This provides a simple and effective way to get children to clean their rooms to your specifics. They can't use the room until the QUARANTINE is taken down by you. Psychologists refer to this type of reward system as "A Token Economy" or tokenomics as I like to say. It provides a positive, happy experience for compliance and a negative experience, that of losing tokens, when ignored.

Awards and Honors
HAPPY PARENT AWARD EDUCATIONAL CLEARING HOUSE "With From Combat Zone To Love At Home, the weight is off of your shoulders, because the program sets the rules of the game in place." OUTSTANDING PRODUCT FOR OUTSTANDING RESULTS."For very little out of the pocket expense, you can gain some order and peace in your home. All of the charts, tokens etc. are all included in the book... Full instructions are included on the tape, she walks you thru it, in its entirety." Lorrie Flem, Editor of TEACH Magazine:Chore and Behavior Systems-SUPERIOR PRODUCT RATING "I have long been engrossed in trying to find the perfect chore and behavior system for my family to use. This illusive system must be easy to implement, inexpensive, appealing to mother and children, and of course, effective. FROM COMBAT ZONE TO LOVE AT HOME is one of my favorites."

Past/Present Clients
REVIEW: I've just begun listening to the audio tape of your seminar and also reading your book about your Wonderful system. I'm excited to think that perhaps I've found system that might actually work! I too have tried everything I can think of to achieve the results you talk about. My spirit quickened when you talked about the analogy of the Garden of Eden and I'm anxious to get started. Sincerely and gratefully, Julie M Oklahoma City, OK, REVIEW: I am so excited about your book. My sister-in-law brought it on our family camp out and in the four days we were there I read it twice and discussed it heavily with my husband. We are ready to get started. We started trying to use the system while we were camping and the change in our children was incredible. Michelle G. Phoenix, AZ

©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.