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Parenting K-6 Kids/crying baby
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Question
Hi,
I have 3 year girl baby and I have put her in a playgroup. She cries to go and also she wants me to be with her all the time. From home itself she started crying and also I am forced to lie that I am taking her some other place. I am worried whether I should lie to her so that she will be quite till she reaches the play group or tell the truth? Please advise.
Thank you for asking me. I have a nearly 3 year old grandson. He is nearly at the end of this issue. Whether it is the beginning or the end remains yet to be seen. Ha Ha. What is the thing she wants the most that calms her down? Is it a blanket or a toy or a pacifier? Start using that thing as the motivater. ONLY give it as the motivator factor to establish the behavior you want. My grandson only gets his pacifier when he listens and goes to sleep. It has been very effective.
I have been a mother of three so I know some of your frustrations. I found that even though I didn't purposely lie to my children, each time I said, "If you do that again, I am going to...." it took me 4 or 5 times to finally get to the point where I had to do what I said I would do and I was effectively teaching that I lied. If our children understand we lie, they won't trust us. Trust is one of the most important internal values we seek, but few know how to earn it.
I wrote a book about the most amazing parenting tool I discovered called "FROM COMBAT ZONE TO LOVE AT HOME" The integrity factor of our children is taught by us or by someone or someway else. The HAPPY FACE TOKEN SYSTEM that I developed teaches us to mean what we say and the children learn to believe and accept us at our word. This is a simple, mom approved and happy child method and it works and is adaptable for even the most difficult child or groups or children. My program can be used for children as young as 3 1/2 as long as they understand "sequence of order" i.e pick up your crayons and put them away, then push your chair under the desk. I offer a 30 day unconditional money back guarantee. I you would like to look at my site, page snippets are there to give you an idea but the "CONSISTENCY FACTOR" and the reasons for the comments from your children like "Mom, can I help you with the dishes?' are only in the book. I would be happy to offer you a FREE CD ROM with printable charts I developed with my children so I know they work. This is a $10.00 value, when you mention this site,AllExperts, and order the book for $17.00 that includes postage and handling as well a my national parenting conference audio tape. Take a look and see if there is anything that might help you. Good luck, Debbie
http://floridabestmom.com
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Answers by Expert:
Debbie Preece
Expertise
Feeling frustrated with your parenting skills? Learn how to get first-time obedience cheerfully and happily from children 4-14. Designed for the easy use of Mom and the children keep it going. This Christian author has taught this remarkable system, over 25 years, to battle-weary parents' worldwide who are trying desperately to raise children that contribute to a happy family, better society, and love of God. She has spoken to standing room only audiences that laugh and cry with her as she shares her insightful discovery of a unique parenting tool that she declares is a gift from God. The charts actually work and have been kid tested and Mother approved worldwide. The room specific, chore charts provide the accountabiltiy factor(Garden Experience)by providing a "Do/Did" box by each line item task and step by step instructions help develop specific skills and expertise in doing a job well done. Instruction for PMS/PMDD as well as ADD/ADHD and non-compliance behavior. http://biblebasedparenting101.com
Experience
One desperate night after a very trying day, while raising three children four years apart, Debbie found herself in "Shock" with the behavior of her children and frustrated with her parenting skills. Her home had become a Combat Zone and she was the prisoner! The "Golden Rule" wasn't working. It seemed the more she did for her children, the more selfish and demanding they became.
Teaching internal values like integrity and honesty and family values, such as, manners and first time obedience happily and cheerfully were a ‘mission impossible’. The consistency factor on the parenting side was booby trapped by the troops all day long.
That night, after holding up her flag of surrender, she sent an emergency S.O.S. to her commander in chief and a new battle plan was developed that virtually guaranteed her survival and that of her family. What resulted in 1983 was “The Happy Face Token System.” Her sigh of relief (AHH!) could be heard in the form of happy children responding with; "What can I do for you Mommy? May I set the table? You’re the BEST MOMMY IN THE WHOLE WORLD!" She had gained control of her family and a truce had been accepted with this most remarkable interactive parenting tool. Consistency was a built-in feature of this now “Kid Tested & Mother Approved” INTERACTIVE experience.
http://dissdcourtesy.com
Publications
NEW PRINTING: 2010 From Combat Zone to Love at Home: The Happy Face Token System
From Combat Zone to Love at Home 1995 (book)
Mommytalk.com
http://happyfacetokens.com
http://biblebasedparenting101.com
http://foxholeparenting.com
http://debbiepreece.com
Education/Credentials
REVIEW: If we are to take the Lord God as our model in raising children, then the implication is that we should also provide appropriate rewards. I have never wanted to "bribe" our children into compliance, so I found the following excerpt from Debbie Preece's book very interesting: She notes that: ". . . according to Webster's Dictionary a bribe is: 'Anything especially money-given or promised to induce a person to do something illegal or wrong.' . . . Webster's defines a blessing as, 'The gift of divine favor. Anything that gives happiness or prevents misfortune.' This book is packed with fun ideas like "The Slothful Servant Quarantine," as well as practical charts and ideas. Altogether a very valuable resource to aid you in child training and setting up and enforcing chores. Lorrie Flem, Editor of TEACH Magazine.
author's note: The SLOTHFUL SERVANT ROOM QUARANTINE is designed for ages 8-18. This provides a simple and effective way to get children to clean their rooms to your specifics. They can't use the room until the QUARANTINE is taken down by you.
Psychologists refer to this type of reward system as "A Token Economy" or tokenomics as I like to say. It provides a positive, happy experience for compliance and a negative experience, that of losing tokens, when ignored.
Awards and Honors
HAPPY PARENT AWARD
EDUCATIONAL CLEARING HOUSE "With From Combat Zone To Love At Home, the weight is off of your shoulders, because the program sets the rules of the game in place." OUTSTANDING PRODUCT FOR OUTSTANDING RESULTS."For very little out of the pocket expense, you can gain some order and peace in your home. All of the charts, tokens etc. are all included in the book... Full instructions are included on the tape, she walks you thru it, in its entirety."
Lorrie Flem, Editor of TEACH Magazine:Chore and Behavior Systems-SUPERIOR PRODUCT RATING
"I have long been engrossed in trying to find the perfect chore and behavior system for my family to use. This illusive system must be easy to implement, inexpensive, appealing to mother and children, and of course, effective. FROM COMBAT ZONE TO LOVE AT HOME is one of my favorites."
Past/Present Clients
REVIEW: I've just begun listening to the audio tape of your seminar and also reading your book about your Wonderful system. I'm excited to think that perhaps I've found system that might actually work! I too have tried everything I can think of to achieve the results you talk about. My spirit quickened when you talked about the analogy of the Garden of Eden and I'm anxious to get started. Sincerely and gratefully, Julie M Oklahoma City, OK,
REVIEW: I am so excited about your book. My sister-in-law brought it on our family camp out and in the four days we were there I read it twice and discussed it heavily with my husband. We are ready to get started. We started trying to use the system while we were camping and the change in our children was incredible. Michelle G. Phoenix, AZ
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