Expert: Melinda Mantilla - 10/4/2006

Question
I have a 12 year old boy that is constantly getting into trouble on the school bus,at school,everywhere he goes-we have tried therapy,spankings,sitting in his room,going to bed early,no computer,no phone. Nothing seems to work anymore....I am growing weary.....Please help

Answer
Ray,

Have you gotten to the root of the issue? Why is he getting into so much trouble? I would recommend at this point a different therapist, that is really good with his age group. Although he is also going through puberty, at this age boys are going through a lot hormonally. I will give you my view and I should hope you take it well. I have a cousin that is now 15, but was 12 once too going through puberty. I have a good friend with 2 boys, who have just gone through puberty. Even at age 12 your sons sexual organs are beginning to mature, so until he reaches sexual maturity and has that release, his body is going to go through these changes and it's very hard on him. His voice is changing, he is developing pubic hair, etc. So try to understand he is going thru a tough time.

He is definitely too old to be spanked!!! If he gets in trouble give him more chores, but dont' ENSLAVE him or anything, that is NOT the goal here, the goal is to see when he does something wrong make him understand there is a consequence. Chopping wood, etc. Remember, he being transformed to be ready to be a man, so this is the point you need to begin treating him like a young man. Give him more responsibilities, but his discipline is harder.

I hope I have been clear enough, if not please let me know!

Melinda