AboutLeslie Truex Expertise I am a parent of two, but also I'm a social worker with over 15 year experience working with children and families. I can provide many tips and techniques to help with child behavior, interventions for specific behavioral issues, ideas to help children through difficult times such as divorce or grief, hints on keeping the family running smoothly, and tips for developing confident, happy children.
Experience I have a master's in social work and over 15 years experience working with children and families. I have worked in schools, public health, mental health and adoption agencies providing parent education courses and children's groups.
Question My son, his girlfriend and her 2 kids live with me. One is 3 the other is 4. My sons girls have lived with me for over five yrs. One is 5 the other is 8. The 4 yrs old is very spoiled by mom - she whines alot and her mother does not discipline her when she fights with the 8 yr old. I am constantly disciplining my 8 yrs old when she fights with the 4 yr old. But the 4 yrs old does not give up - I put my 8 yrs old for time out and tell her she can not play with the 4 yr old. But the 4 yrs old goes in the room and starts in on her. My 8 yr old will tell her to get out of the room, but then the 4 yr old runs to mom and says the 8 yr old is being mean to her. Moms answer is don't worry I will play with you. Instead of addressing the problem and telling her - You need to stop being mean also and quit instigating. But all fault always goes to the 8 yr old. I babysit all the kids and never have a problem with them until Mom comes home - then the 4 yr old whines- 8 yrs old can say "I don't want to play anymore" 4r old will run to mom and say " 8 yr old doesn't want to play with me she is being mean" then again mom pacifies - and comes up with a smart remark against 8 yr old. I have spoken to mom - but did not turn out good - feels 8 yr should know better. But does not see that 4 yr old also needs to be disciplined.
Help
Answer Hi Mary,
This is going to take more than an email from me to fix...if it will be fixed at all.
Ideally, mom would take the hint and discipline her child and be fair to her boyfriend's child. That doesn't seem to be happening so my next question is, where is the father? As the boyfriend's mother, your opinions are probably considered to be skewed. Likely she feels you favor your grandchildren and are against her kids. So really, in this case, the boyfriend (your son) needs to step up.
The best scenario would be counseling and parent education for everyone who is involved with the children. If that doesn't happen, you can use the "my house my rules" policy. This will make you really unpopular with the girlfriend and possibly your son, but may actually work to get them to create boundaries and discipline for all children equally. Or they can move out.
