Expert: Leslie Truex - 11/9/2006

Question
I am a mother of 4 beautiful children. My youngest son is acting out for some reason. He is now 6 years old. He's my 3rd child. Starting this year he has had many anger outbursts and I am getting calls and notes from the school almost every day for his behavior. His behavior at school consists of; (ignoring the teacher and plugging his ears, stomping on the ground and yelling no, tearing things off classroom walls, bothering other students and even kicking them, refusing to do spelling and math tests, throwing books-glue bottles and chairs around room, tearing paper up and making mess, not returning to seat when asked, leaving room without permission and so on. Oh, he also got suspended from school for 2 days for throwing the chair. He was always a good kid in the past. Even at school. Now no matter what the punishment is, it does not phase him. If you can give me any ideas or help it would be greatly appreciated. Thank you and God bless!

Answer
Hi Felicia,
If this behavior has really come out of nowhere (he didn't act like this before), I would suggest you do the following:

1) First, take him to have a physical. Occasionally ailments can lead to behavior changes. The doctor should not only consider any ailment that might effect behavior, but also signs that someone may be hurting him which can also effect behavior. I'm not saying that he's sick or that anyone is hurting him, but when behavior changes drastically, you want to rule out anything medical or abuse. While you can ask about abuse, I usually do recommend someone with expertise do this as they know how to ask in a way that gives the details they need to assess the situation.

2) What changed in his life around the time his behavior changed? Is there someone in his class or on the bus that is bothering him? Is the fourth child a new baby? Does he have a new caregiver or other person who may be hurting him (see  #1)? Children who feel out of control will often act out because they don't know what to do about the situation. However, an interrogation will probably yield little. Instead, during normal conversations, pay attention to things he may say and be subtle in probing for information. He won't know why he's misbehaving so asking "Why do you do that?" won't help. Instead, ask things like how he was feeling then he threw the chair. What had happened before that? etc.

3) Get him counseling with a child counselor perhaps even someone specializing in play therapy. This can help him learn anger management, could reveal information about why this behavior has started, allow him a safe, non-judgemental place to express himself, and give him skills to communicate what's going on for him.

Leslie Truex