About Mona R. Spiegel, Ph.D. Expertise I am a licensed psychologist and professional coach. I have been guiding parents and their children for over 25 years and now specialize in coaching women on the telephone for parenting, relationship and personal life issues.
Experience After receiving my Ph.D. in 1977 from Columbia University, I became licensed in New York State as a psychologist. I worked for many years in schools and subsequently as a private clinician. Most recently, I have received training from a professional coaching institute to provide services on the telephone.
Organizations American Psychological Association
International Coaching Federation
Publications MFC Newsletter and Dr. Mona's blog @ http://www.myfamilycoach.com .
Parenting K-6 Kids - My son has been "finding" things on the playground.
Expert: Mona R. Spiegel, Ph.D. - 11/2/2006
Question Hello,
I will try to be brief. I have been concerned about my son about a few things. First, the past few weeks, when I pick him up from school, he is excited to show me something, usually an eraser he found on the playground. At first I didn't think much of it, kids do find things on the playground. But it happened 4 days in a row, and the last time, I heard his brother (twin, in a different class) say to him "You stole that". One day about 3 weeks ago, there was an incident at my workplace (I bring my boys to work with me for 1½ hours after school), we were getting ready to leave for the day, and he came up to me, said "Look what's in my pocket Mom, I wonder how it got there?" It was a $10.00 bill. My co-worker asked him "Oh, did you get that from that table? That's mine, thank you." He kind of winked at me, as if to say "Don't worry about it". Later in the car, I told my son, it's not right to pick up other people's things, and please don't do it next time. I didn't scold or punish, cause he did bring it to my attention, and didn't try to hide it or keep it. That happened before the "found erasers". At first I didn't think much of it, but after several similar incidents, I am concerned and don't want it to lead to something bigger. He is very emotional/temperamental, and I just want to deal with this in the best way possible. Any advice?
Thank you,
Sharon
Answer Dear Sharon,
I may have missed it, but I didn't notice your child's age. The younger the child, the easier to discipline and the less serious are behaviors such as stealing.
It is generally a good idea to label any "found" items as clearly stolen. Whether you use that word or not is up to you, as long as you keep calm and are consistent with the consequences.
Spell out the plan with him ahead of time. Tell him what the consequences will be for any items that you find that do not belong to him. It's usually not a good idea to compel him to tell you how he got hold of the item; that will only encourage lying.
Take a look at the big picture as well. Is he generally a happy child? The behaviors that you mention may be just the tip of the iceberg. If so, it would be a good idea to consult an appropriate mental health professional.
All the best,
Dr. Mona Spiegel
Psychologist & Coach
www.myfamilycoach.com
