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Parenting Stepchildren/How to deal with a very difficult ex-wife


P wrote at 2008-12-04 06:32:28
I've dealt with a situation as a stepparent for more than 10 years. Biomom is bi-polar, paranoid schizophrenic. While I love my husband, if I had to do it over again, I may not.

One of my stepsons was diagnosed with a mental illness five years ago and it has been an emotional and financial strain on our entire family.

I am regularly insulted by my husband's ex-wife. She does not know boundaries. You seriously cannot expect boundaries if the person is bi-polar.

You received good advice.

I love my family and my stepsons and I have children of my own with my husband but it's difficult. I love them all but I am the scapegoat more often than not.

Good luck with your decision.

wish we were free of family wrote at 2009-11-14 02:32:35
my so called stepson has problems and has tried a suicide attempt  He is a very  angry  hateful, vengeful person.  How do you interact with someone with these issues?

courtney-jayne wrote at 2010-06-13 10:28:39
I have to say the  response by the so called expert is appalling i am a divorcee with a child to my ex-husband, i am a stepmother and I have bipolar. This "expert obviously does not have enough knowledge or experience with the mental illness, bipolar, to comment.  

Totidem wrote at 2013-01-01 02:08:35
Be honest with yourself about the love you have for his children.  They maybe wonderful and awesome kids, and the boyfriend is a dream catch, but you need to either accept the DRAMA his ex will bring into the relationship or simply remain GF and BF.  I'm in the same situation as your BF whereas my ex is the nightmare of a control freak, diagnosis as having PTOS and unofficially borderline personality disorder (ie walking on eggshells).  For me, I've accepted the fact that I'll never have a relationship until my children are in their teens or out of the house.  I can't imagine bringing another person into this mess.  If you are the type that will and can be there for your BF, defend him and do only what is best for his kids then you have a chance.  One last piece of advice.  Be an awesome friend to his kids, but never a parent.   I know you have the experience raising kids, but I bet you didn't like it when unsolicited strangers tried to give advice on how to raise yours.  His Ex will not tolerate one minuet suggestion and give him nothing but grief.  Then you two will get into a fight not because he doesn't take your suggestion to heart, but because he'll be frustrated with the needless drama his Ex will make out of it.  

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J.L. Slipak


Over the last 19 years, I have been researching the issue of stepparenting/stepchildren and living life as a blended family. I have 4 stepchildren. I am available to answer any questions regarding parenting a stepchild/stepchildren and will base my answers using my own personal experience with 4 of my own. I'm an advocate for children with special needs and have worked in the legal area of Family Law and Civil Law for 7 years. I'm a published writer of this subject. I have dealt with many issues including: dealing with the biological parent, eating disorders, relationships between siblings, education, access, etc. I can offer support, personal opinions and resources based on research I've used while writing about these subjects. Don't ask me any questions that you have the answers for already. Make sure you include all information pertaining to the question at hand, as I base my answers on what you've sent me. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else. As I am using this information for research, DO NOT SET YOUR QUESTION TO PRIVATE. I am not your personal counselor. This site is meant to help others in similar situations by being able to read those experiences and seeing my suggestions. I will most likely send your question to the "pool" if you do wish to remain a private emailer in order to allow another expert a chance to address your concerns. I wish all stepparents great success with their perspective lives. Remember it takes a lot to step in when others have stepped out. I encourage Bioparents to stop fighting with stepparents and start working with them as a team.


Living with stepchildren is incredibly difficult; being a stepparent has always been sterotyped under the Cinderella persona. The wicked stepmother, overbearing and cruel... Often times, the reality of the situation is completely different. Stepparents are expected to step in when the bioparent steps out, then are criticized and attacked when they try their best to be a good "fill-in" for the bioparent. Stepchildren are often the ones who are cruel and difficult, filled with issues surrounding their bioparent's divorce and resentment towards the "intruder" in their lives. No one truly knows how hard it is to be a stepparent, except another stepparent.

BFA, working towards my Masters. Stepparent of 4 stepchildren.Bioparent of two, all inclusive of two special needs children: one down syndrome; the other ODD/ADD.

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