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Parenting Stepchildren/19 yearold stepson has girlfriend pregnant. How to accept this!


Step-Mom wrote at 2013-07-06 14:25:00
I don't have any easy answers, but it is comforting to know that someone else is experiencing similar problems.  I have two step-sons.  One is 24 and the other is 19.  Their father and I have been married for ten years, also.  The 24 year old has stolen things from my two children, his father, and his own brother.  He currently has no job, and roams from one house to another.  The 19 year old holds a part time job at a local business, but does no household chores even though he pays no rent or car insurance.  His girlfriend is expecting a baby in a couple weeks.  Their father had full custody of both boys when we married ten years ago, and they had very little contact with their mother because she was involved in a relationship with an alcoholic who could be abusive while drunk. My husband received no child support, and our income provided for the needs of the family.  My step-sons' grandmother had a close relationship with them and has always been indulgent and permissive to the point of belittling our position as parents. I still feel that she reinforces their adolescent behavior as adults.  I am having trouble accepting the upcoming birth.  I feel that my step-son engaged in sexual intercourse, an adult decision with adult sized consequences.  Call me old fashioned, but I still believe that procreation is a gift from God intended to be used within the bounds of marriage.  I love children and am the first to get attached to a baby, but I still can't find it in me to celebrate their poor choices and naive ideas.  My step-son can't clean his own room, doesn't clean up after himself, pays no bills, and expects to be a father to a child.  Top that off with the fact that he isn't 100 percent sure the baby is his.  His girlfriend had a fling with another guy, a friend of his.  He says the ultrasound confirms the baby is his because it was conceived before her fling. Her cycle supposedly was irregular.  Anyway, my husband is ready to open his arms to a potential grandchild, and I'm still holding back.  I'm still raising two teenage sons, and I am terrified that they will make similar mistakes.  They are both close to driving age, and one has his first girlfriend.  I hate feeling helpless and afraid so much of the time.

Back to your situation, I agree the police needs to be contacted about the thefts.  I know this is easier said than done, especially when you are a step-parent.  The biological parent wants to protect the child at the expense of everyone involved, including the misguided adult child.  I might suggest reading some articles from a site I checked out recently,, I think.  There was a lot of good advice about how to deal with adult children.  Hope it all works out.  It's not easy.  I wish more people understood how hard it is to feel helpless in your own family, in your own home, because of the choices others make.  

Parenting Stepchildren

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J.L. Slipak


Over the last 19 years, I have been researching the issue of stepparenting/stepchildren and living life as a blended family. I have 4 stepchildren. I am available to answer any questions regarding parenting a stepchild/stepchildren and will base my answers using my own personal experience with 4 of my own. I'm an advocate for children with special needs and have worked in the legal area of Family Law and Civil Law for 7 years. I'm a published writer of this subject. I have dealt with many issues including: dealing with the biological parent, eating disorders, relationships between siblings, education, access, etc. I can offer support, personal opinions and resources based on research I've used while writing about these subjects. Don't ask me any questions that you have the answers for already. Make sure you include all information pertaining to the question at hand, as I base my answers on what you've sent me. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else. As I am using this information for research, DO NOT SET YOUR QUESTION TO PRIVATE. I am not your personal counselor. This site is meant to help others in similar situations by being able to read those experiences and seeing my suggestions. I will most likely send your question to the "pool" if you do wish to remain a private emailer in order to allow another expert a chance to address your concerns. I wish all stepparents great success with their perspective lives. Remember it takes a lot to step in when others have stepped out. I encourage Bioparents to stop fighting with stepparents and start working with them as a team.


Living with stepchildren is incredibly difficult; being a stepparent has always been sterotyped under the Cinderella persona. The wicked stepmother, overbearing and cruel... Often times, the reality of the situation is completely different. Stepparents are expected to step in when the bioparent steps out, then are criticized and attacked when they try their best to be a good "fill-in" for the bioparent. Stepchildren are often the ones who are cruel and difficult, filled with issues surrounding their bioparent's divorce and resentment towards the "intruder" in their lives. No one truly knows how hard it is to be a stepparent, except another stepparent.

BFA, working towards my Masters. Stepparent of 4 stepchildren.Bioparent of two, all inclusive of two special needs children: one down syndrome; the other ODD/ADD.

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