AboutJ.L. Slipak Expertise Over the last 19 years, I have been researching the issue of stepparenting/stepchildren and living life as a blended family. I have 4 stepchildren. I am available to answer any questions regarding parenting a stepchild/stepchildren and will base my answers using my own personal experience with 4 of my own.
I'm an advocate for children with special needs and have worked in the legal area of Family Law and Civil Law for 7 years. I'm a published writer of this subject. I have dealt with many issues including: dealing with the biological parent, eating disorders, relationships between siblings, education, access, etc. I can offer support, personal opinions and resources based on research I've used while writing about these subjects. Don't ask me any questions that you have the answers for already. Make sure you include all information pertaining to the question at hand, as I base my answers on what you've sent me. Remember, this is just my opinion and nothing else. I wish all stepparents great success with their perspective lives. Remember it takes a lot to step in when others have stepped out.
Experience
Education/Credentials BFA, working towards my Masters. Stepparent of 4 stepchildren.Bioparent of two, all inclusive of two special needs children: one down syndrome; the other ODD/ADD.
Expert: J.L. Slipak Date: 5/8/2008 Subject: HELP ME PLEASE!!!!
Question Ok, My fiance and I got together 2 tears ago, and we are so perfect together, i had 3 children from my previous marriage, he had a son who is not biologically his, which i think is great, but 2 months after we moved in together his son came to live with us, his mother is a drug addict he has been raised (he is almost 8) by his mom, who he speeks to now once a week and sees once every 6 weeks for a supervised visit. soooo.... my fiance and i now have a baby together, so we have 5 children in our home fulltime and they are ages 7,7,5,3,and 9 months i love them all and i am a stay at home mom, my fiance is out west for short periods temporarily, and his son is driving me crazy! He is great infront of dad, but when it is just me he lies, steals, NEVER listens to me, throws tantrums when put in time out, i have tried everything with him over the last 2 years being strict, firm, loving, i have even resorted to guilt and i cannot reach this child. it hurts me so much that i can't reach him, he will lie about anything, he even said i slapped him across the face and I have NEVER laid my hand on him, i don't even spank my oown children! he steals from kids at school, he bullies my 3 year old, i will tell him not to do something and he will look me right in the eye as he does it again! I am starting to feel defeated and crazy! I feel like a 7 year old is out to get me, i know that sounds crazy but i am serious, he knows what he's doing because when his dad is home, he is an angel. WHAT DO I DO????? the other kids are seeing this behaviour, and my youngest son who is 3 is starting to copy everything his step brother does, and i need help so bad before i loose my mind, he has been diagnosed with adhd and is currently on adderall, but i mean a diagnosis cannot excuse this behaviour. Please help me.
Thank you
Dede
Answer Hello Dede,
Actually a diagnosis such as the one you've mentioned, can explain a lot about his behaviors. I would go one step further and have him tested for ODD and since his mother was an addict, there could be others that he should be tested for. Get the child in to the doctors pronto! Behavior issues can come from the fact that while pregnant, his mother did drugs.
Your husband needs to get on the band wagon here and help you, or I see this whole issue turning bad. He needs to believe you and go with you to get this lad help. You need to look into respite and camps and other forms of relief to give you a break from this lad. There are many available in Canada, you need to do a search based on where you live to see what's available to you. Until a complete diagnosis is done, you will have your hands full.
Get yourself some support and help or you both will need to rethink this whole situation pertaining to the lad. Good luck,
