AboutLee Brochstein Expertise I can answer all questions on blending families and being a step parent. I can answer questions about discipline, visitation with the step children when you have your own children living with you and having your children visit with half siblings and step children in your spouses home.
Experience I was a step parent to 7 children for 5 years, as well as having two children during that marriage. I am now a step mother to 4 children that live in another state. My children have half siblings as well as step siblings at their father's house.
Education/Credentials Life experience and good common sense.
Expert: Lee Brochstein Date: 5/19/2008 Subject: Stepdad spanking stepson
Question QUESTION: I just found out tonight from my 8 y/o grandson that his stepdad has spanked him so hard and his comment was "it is harder than my dad ever spanked me. He makes me pull my pants down and spanks me without my undies. He spanks me with a belt like a whip on Indiana Jones while my mom is watching". I AM FURIOUS. I have questioned my daughter and "her husband" on other issues and it causes a family feud. I believe their are things that my ex son-in-law doesn't know and should be informed but do not know how to tell him without him getting furious or my grandson getting in more trouble. My grandson is scared to tell his dad and has told me not to say anything to his mom. He is scared of the stepdad and I do not know how to approach mom/dad about this situation without my grandson getting in trouble. Please give me some help in approaching this situation without causing more pain for my grandson or World War III.
ANSWER: Renee: There is no way to step in without losing your grandson or your daughter. This is territory, that unless you are willing to back up the accusation with proof,ie pictures, and not just the word of a boy who could be "mad" at his mom and not like his step dad, then you need to stay out of it. If you want to get involved, call CPS and report it. But, like I said, be sure your grandson is telling the truth and that you can back it up.
Lee
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QUESTION: Lee...this is just one of the many things that has happened. I do have proof from the "stepdad"...also, have proof from the stepdad placing "hot tabasco sauce" in my grandson's mouth because he talked back to his mother. This has been done several times and I have told him if I fond out one more time his father will find out and I would report both of them to CPS. I understand you must have proof and not just take the words of a babe...but when the child does not want to go home because of the "stepdad"...wouldn't you start questioning him.
He is acting out in school and did not do that until the "stepdad" came into the picture. Again, I am very upset and just would like to hear comments from others to see if I am over reacting.
Answer Renee: I don't think you overreacting, here is what I would suggest. Take your grandson to therapy, talk to his teachers and see if they have heard and know similar stories. Call CPS and report it. Tell them that you "suspect" child abuse and what you suspect. Sometimes if it comes from a doctor or therapist, then they take it more seriously. Also, doctor's and therapists are obligated by law to report child abuse. Talk to an attorney. One thing you may want to do is contact the father and tell him what is going on, and see if he wants to step in and see if it can be corrected, or if he wants to try to remove the child from the home and take him into his home. If he doesn't, then you need to step in with an attorney and take your daughter to court to step in and remove the child from the home. Those are really your only options. I don't think that speaking to your daughter or her husband will help. I would first contact the father and talk to him. Hopefully he will stand up for his son.
