AboutLee Brochstein Expertise I can answer all questions on blending families and being a step parent. I can answer questions about discipline, visitation with the step children when you have your own children living with you and having your children visit with half siblings and step children in your spouses home.
Experience I was a step parent to 7 children for 5 years, as well as having two children during that marriage. I am now a step mother to 4 children that live in another state. My children have half siblings as well as step siblings at their father's house.
Education/Credentials Life experience and good common sense.
Expert: Lee Brochstein Date: 5/8/2008 Subject: kids have bad attitude toward fiance
Question QUESTION: I have tree beautiful little girls ages 7,9,and 10.I've been seeing my now fiance for a little over 2 years and my children and him get along fine until he corrects them for something.Their father isn't in the picture at all well he is a when it's convenient for him type of dad which is maybe once a year if that.My oldest is the worst about talking back to him and telling him he's not her daddy and she doesn't have to listen to him.My question is how do I go about making her understand he may not be her daddy but he is the daddy of our home.I've grounded her,whipped her butt and talked till I'm blue in the face.He thinks he should just back off from getting on to them at all what should we do?
ANSWER: Leslie: He is right. He should not correct them or reprimand them at all. This is a big transition. Having had just you in their lives, they now will have someone else living with them and taking away their mommy. They are probably scared and worried. Reassure them and be patient. It will get better, and what you are experiencing is normal. Let your children know that he is not their Daddy and will not be their Daddy, but their friend. And aren't they lucky to have a friend like him, who will love them and take care of them? Tell them that they have to be nice, even if they don't want to, because he is an adult, and they have to treat ALL adults in a nice way.
Lee
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QUESTION: We will defiantly take your advice not give up and be patience,but my oldest attitude with authority doesn't just involve him.When her grandmother or really any other family member tries to tell her to do something she has an attitude.She's fine at school never gets in trouble perfect angle so I know she knows how to be respectful and do right.The other two have attitude but not as often.Sometimes I believe the problem involves something their father use to say to them when they were younger and we were going through our divorce.He would tell them if your mom ever gets a boyfriend they didn't have to listen to them.That the only people they had to listen to was me and him and go figure he's never there to tell them anything to listen to.I love my girls more than anything in this world and have and will do everything in my power to make sure they have what they need and some of what they want.I just want them to be respectful of everyone and of their selves.
Answer Also, remember, girls are like that! Girls are difficult, especially as they get older. They mouth off to those they know they can get away with it! You need to have a talk with your oldest about respect. Start to take away her privileges if she continues to mouth off. Let her see that for every action there is a reaction.
